You ever have those days where you feel like no one gets you? I have those a lot. I am weird. I am different. I have 8 kids and I cannot stop thinking about the millions of people in need in Ethiopia and all over the world. People call me a saint, religious, stupid, crazy... lots of things. Some labels are meant to be kind and some are just downright ignorant because I am none of those things people say. I am no saint. I struggle and mess up all the time just like everyone else. I am not religious though I do love the Lord and try to strengthen my relationship with Him constantly. I am not stupid or crazy or whatever else either. I am just me. I am one of the gazillions of people that have graced this earth at some point who is completely unlike anyone else. Just like you. Sometimes in life our needs are similar to others and sometimes they are not. Right now, I am on the "not" side of the fence. I need different things now. I need to have others to chat with that love Ethiopia/Africa/orphans too. I need to be with my Irishopian hubby and kids. I need to stay away from ugliness, negativity and drama. And, oh boy, does it exist. I need a goat for Christmas. Not for me. Sweet hubby wouldn't have it. He says we have enough living creatures to be responsible for at the moment. We probably do. I need a goat from World Vision for someone in a country that has nothing. I have what I need and plenty more. I can go to Target and get what I want. I am buying some new tennis shoes this week actually. (Um, no, not from Target.) But my point is this. I do not need stuff anymore. I like stuff. Do I like stuff. Way too much. But I don't need it. A widow in Uganda needs some way to feed her family. She has big needs. I now get that. So I want to send her a goat. That makes me odd. I want things like a new pair of Uggs, an outdoor heater, a new coat but I don't need them. This freaks some of those I love right out. It makes me unnerving in some ways... Why must I always go against the status quo? On a day like today I feel like I am at a tough place where I am surrounded by a million people and no one sees the real me. My Irishopian man does, thank God, but even my family sometimes backs away. They are tired of hearing it. Tired of my constant talk of going back to Ethiopia to bring medicine, plant community gardens, bring eye glasses. I see it on their faces. It is an instant "oh no, here she goes again" expression. They tolerate it for a moment and then interject with a "honey, maybe you should stop planning so many trips to Ethiopia"... 4 trips is truly NOT that many. At least I don't think so... I am uncomfortable for others to be around I guess. And you know what? I think I am funny. Sometimes. When I can be myself and share a bit of the burning desire in my heart then I can move onto to other things. I love to be sarcastic. I love to laugh so hard I sound crazy and I have tears. I want to add right here that I am extremely grateful for the love that I am shown by wonderful people. This weekend we had our first fundraiser and I cannot tell you how blessed I feel to have had so many people show up. We had a great night and I think everyone who took part in our Scavenger Hunt enjoyed it. We always work hard to make our fundraising truly fun. If I am going to ask you to part with your hard earned $ I want you to enjoy doing it. So maybe more people get me and our mission then I realize? Maybe I am just tired and a bit raw from a couple of conversations I have had since the weekend's big event. I know I am still hurt by a few special people who could've come to our event but didn't. I need to grow a thicker skin. If I am going to be a mom who stands out as much as I do with a mixed race family of 10, I need to stop having days where people not "getting me" gets me down. Clearly it is going to happen. But, that is sometimes easier said then done. So, just to clear the air, this is who I really am: grateful, emotional, funny, passionate, hard headed, determined, tender-hearted and a bit 'out there'. I am an open book who constantly wears my heart on my sleeve. Today it got snot and dirt thrown at it. I guess if you wear your heart on your sleeve poop like this is bound to happen. I just have to keep more tissues in my pockets right?
Hope you are feeling understood wherever you may be Irishopian readers.