Racism hits home

Three children were born in a land far, far away. Not at the same time and not near each other, but they were born far away from here, to 6 different parents. Ethiopian parents. Then, things happen, many sad and different things, in each of these 3 children's lives. These things lead all 3 of them to being declared orphans and placed in orphanages waiting for new, & often white, families to adopt them. They don't care the color of their new families skin. They just want a family...

At some point in your life you are prompted to the idea that the time is right to adopt and add to our family. You go to your home study agency with the idea of adopting from China. I mean everyone adopts from China so it just seemed the logical choice. Then you are told that you already have too many children for China or Korea. So you look at your options and thankfully there are still a few. You could do Eastern Europe, Colombia, Guatemala, Vietnam, The Philippines or a new program that is just beginning to take off in Ethiopia. Once you hear about Ethiopia there is no other place for you. You just kind of know that your future children are there.

Adoption is an extremely emotional process... At some stage in your game it hits you hard that in order for your family to be bringing a child or children home, another family has to go through some kind of trauma or tragedy. That reality is very tough. But you find that in some strange way, it helps you to love your eventual children even more. Children you don't yet know are in pain, suffering huge losses and need you. You love them. How could you not?

When you adopt children of another race your social workers like to prepare you for the worse. You will face racism they tell you and being white you likely haven't experienced it yet. So when the big day comes and you bring your child home you are hyper aware of bigots, racists and ugliness every time you leave your home. But, thankfully nothing much happens. There are looks, mostly curious looks, though there are some long lasting, seemingly bothered looks that make you want to say to an older Southern gentleman "excuse me, is there something I can do for you?" Thankfully, before you say something in a snotty way that you would regret, that man comes up and tells you that he just wanted to share with you how impressed he is by your children and how polite and well behaved they are. And since it is now nearly 4 years since your first Ethiopian child has come home and you have even forgotten that you did not give birth to your adopted children, you begin to relax.

And then one day, one horrible day, someone shatters your belief that you are happily accepted as a family everywhere you go.

Dictionary.com defines racism like this:

rac·ism   /ˈreɪsɪzəm/ Show Spelled[rey-siz-uhm] noun
1. a belief or doctrine that inherent differences among the various human races determine cultural or individual achievement, usually involving the idea that one's own race is superior and has the right to rule others.
2. a policy, system of government, etc., based upon or fostering such a doctrine; discrimination.
3. hatred or intolerance of another race or other races.

#3 is the one you are felled by. #3 is the one that knocks, no, kicks the wind out of you and punches you in the gut. #3 is the one that makes you lay in bed the whole next day, still shaking, because you cannot believe that anyone can be that horrible to you and your precious children.

If you adopt you love your adopted children the same way you love your bio children. Fiercely and protectively. You know they are not perfect, they do things that annoy the doo doo out of you but you love them deeply and feel so blessed that they are now yours to raise and love forever. How did you win this life lotto you often wonder? But some people will apparently find your family fake. Like a pseudo family, living together but not REALLY a family. Some people see color as the factor that holds you back, keeping you from being mother and child and only allows you to be housemates and guardians. These sick individuals clearly have issues with race and the irony is in this case that the perpetrator is herself black.

This horrible woman not only shatters your life with her hate filled words but she has hurt your children by saying that you are not their mother because "you are white bitch"... Her hatred of your white skin and love of your children permeates on down to her grandson who calls your children Tarzan, jungle boys, oreos, M & M's because "no matter what is on the outside it is still brown in the middle" as well as many other ugly words.

When this woman accosts you, in front of your children and begins cussing at you telling you all the things she hates about you and then tries to hit you with her car your children are shaken. For all of your children, bio and adopted, love you and do not want to lose you. You wonder if you handle it right by telling this vile person that she cannot speak to you that way and making her leave your property. You know that when she said those most hateful words you saw spots in front of your eyes and wanted more than anything in the entire world to pound the pavement with her racist head but you didn't because it is not who you are nor who you want your children to be. You know that calm, that unearthly calm, that kept you from wiping your driveway with her filthy mouth was a gift from God, especially when your 11 year old comes up to you later, puts his hand on your shoulder and tells you "I am so proud of you mom. You were calm and didn't act like her" but it doesn't make the feeling of violation go away.

When a day has gone by you begin to think more clearly. You realize that a person like this one is a sick, sad individual and you try hard to pray for her even though you really don't want to but you reach a point where you realize that you cannot let someone like her stop you from living and carrying on. You realize the irony that the day she attacks you is the day after Martin Luther King Jr day. How crazy. You wonder if she has ever really listened to the beautiful words he said. You doubt it. How could you really listen and get MLK if you act like that? In 1963 MLK said his dream was that in the state of Alabama "one day little black boys and black girls will be able to join hands with little white boys and white girls as sisters and brothers." Well you are here to tell the world, especially a sad racist woman like this one, that that dream has come true darn it and her nasty opinion may hurt you but it will not stop you from being the family you were meant to be.