Irishopian

Racism hits home

2012-01-19T10:28:00.004-05:00

Once upon a time there were 3 children born in a land far, far away. Not at the same time and not near each other, but they were born far away from here, to 6 different parents, Ethiopian parents. Things happen, many sad and different things, in each of these 3 children's lives. These things lead all 3 of them to being declared orphans and placed in orphanages waiting for new, & often white, families to adopt them.

At some point in your life you are prompted to the idea that the time is right to adopt and add to our family. You go to your home study agency with the idea of adopting from China. I mean everyone adopts from China so it just seemed the logical choice. Then you are told that you already have too many children for China or Korea. So you look at your options and thankfully there are still a few. You could do Eastern Europe, Colombia, Guatemala, Vietnam, The Philippines or a new program that is just beginning to take off in Ethiopia. Once you hear about Ethiopia there is no other place for you. You just kind of know that your future children are there.

Adoption is an extremely emotional process... At some stage in your game it hits you hard that in order for your family to be bringing a child or children home, another family has to go through some kind of trauma or tragedy. That reality is very tough. But you find that in some strange way, it helps you to love your eventual children even more. Children you don't yet know are in pain, suffering huge losses and need you. You love them. How could you not?

When you adopt children of another race your social workers like to prepare you for the worse. You will face racism they tell you and being white you likely haven't experienced it yet. So when the big day comes and you bring your child home you are hyper aware of bigots, racists and ugliness every time you leave your home. But, thankfully nothing much happens. There are looks, mostly curious looks, though there are some long lasting, seemingly bothered looks that make you want to say to an older Southern gentleman "excuse me, is there something I can do for you?" Thankfully, before you say something in a snotty way that you would regret, that man comes up and tells you that he just wanted to share with you how impressed he is by your children and how polite and well behaved they are. And since it is now nearly 4 years since your first Ethiopian child has come home and you have even forgotten that you did not give birth to your adopted children, you begin to relax.

And then one day, one horrible day, someone shatters your belief that you are happily accepted as a family everywhere you go.

Dictionary.com defines racism like this:

rac·ism /ˈreɪsɪzəm/ Show Spelled[rey-siz-uhm] noun
1. a belief or doctrine that inherent differences among the various human races determine cultural or individual achievement, usually involving the idea that one's own race is superior and has the right to rule others.
2. a policy, system of government, etc., based upon or fostering such a doctrine; discrimination.
3. hatred or intolerance of another race or other races.

#3 is the one you are felled by. #3 is the one that knocks, no, kicks the wind out of you and punches you in the gut. #3 is the one that makes you lay in bed the whole next day, still shaking, because you cannot believe that anyone can be that horrible to you and your precious children.

If you adopt you love your adopted children the same way you love your bio children. Fiercely and protectively. You know they are not perfect, they do things that annoy the doo doo out of you but you love them deeply and feel so blessed that they are now yours to raise and love forever. How did you win this life lotto you often wonder? But some people will apparently find your family fake. Like a pseudo family, living together but not REALLY a family. Some people see color as the factor that holds you back, keeping you from being mother and child and only allows you to be housemates and guardians. These sick individuals clearly have issues with race and the irony is in this case that the perpetrator is herself black.

This horrible woman not only shatters your life with her hate filled words but she has hurt your children by saying that you are not their mother because "you are white bitch"... Her hatred of your white skin and love of your children permeates on down to her grandson who calls your children Tarzan, jungle boys, oreos, M & M's because "no matter what is on the outside it is still brown in the middle" as well as many other ugly words.

When this woman accosts you, in front of your children and begins cussing at you telling you all the things she hates about you and then tries to hit you with her car your children are shaken. For all of your children, bio and adopted, love you and do not want to lose you. You wonder if you handle it right by telling this vile person that she cannot speak to you that way and making her leave your property. You know that when she said those most hateful words you saw spots in front of your eyes and wanted more than anything in the entire world to pound the pavement with her racist head but you didn't because it is not who you are nor who you want your children to be. You know that calm, that unearthly calm, that kept you from wiping your driveway with her filthy mouth was a gift from God, especially when your 11 year old comes up to you later, puts his hand on your shoulder and tells you "I am so proud of you mom. You were calm and didn't act like her" but it doesn't make the feeling of violation go away.

When a day has gone by you begin to think more clearly. You realize that a person like this one is a sick, sad individual and you try hard to pray for her even though you really don't want to but you reach a point where you realize that you cannot let someone like her stop you from living and carrying on. You realize the irony that the day she attacks you is the day after Martin Luther King Jr day. How crazy. You wonder if she has ever really listened to the beautiful words he said. You doubt it. How could you really listen and get MLK if you act like that? In 1963 MLK said his dream was that in the state of Alabama "one day little black boys and black girls will be able to join hands with little white boys and white girls as sisters and brothers." Well you are here to tell the world, especially a sad racist woman like this one, that that dream has come true darn it and her nasty opinion may hurt you but it will not stop you from being the family you were meant to be.

the year of the friend...

2012-01-17T11:59:00.004-05:00

You know how something just happens and you realize that you will never be the same again? That happens a lot to me. An event takes place in my life and all of the sudden I see that there is no going back. Things have changed forever, in a big way or even in a small way, and there is a shift for me moving forward.

24 years ago when I met David in Ireland on a weekend trip to Dublin, I knew that was it. My life had changed and I would marry him. Somehow this handsome, tall, educated Irish farmer boy and I were to be together forever. I just knew. He didn't but I did. As fate would have it, we met again a few months later, when he came to the US. After David's phone call I ditched my very cute boyfriend (with the most beautiful, cool, curly hair) because I knew that relationship couldn't proceed now that my future had arrived on US soil, and I went to NY city to see David. We began to offically date a few days later on 8-8-88 and that was all she wrote...

Years later, after we were married and had bought a house in the west of Ireland that shift happened again. We were pregnant and thrilled. Young and pretty much penniless we didn't care, we were just so excited to be having a baby. But I lost that baby. Lost it pretty far along in the pregnancy too. And that was it. I didn't say it to my hubby but inside I knew that we needed to get back in the states. David had decided to leave a company he was working for and start his own investment business. He was doing pretty well but times were tough then in Eire. It was well before the Celtic Tiger and it was hard going. We began praying our first Novena, a prayer that a friend of ours had mailed to us after we lost the baby. Each Tuesday we would go down to our church, light a candle and pray silently. A Novena takes 9 weeks and until the 7th week we didn't share what we were praying for. On that 7th Tuesday though we opened up to each other. Driving home David told me that he was praying we could move to the US so that we could build a better life for ourselves and our future family. I shared with him that I was praying to move home too because, after losing the baby, I had realized how much I needed my mom and dad.
That very night my dad called us. Now, this was 18 years ago. There were no calling plans. There were barely cell phones and no one had computers. We could not email, skype or text so I got to talk to my parents for about 10 minutes each Sunday. This was a Tuesday and a call from my dad on a Tuesday was unheard of. But my dad had been moved to call. He told us that he felt we should consider moving to the US and that if we wanted he would lend us the funds to get ourselves and our dogs there. Within weeks we were back in the US, living in a cute little tenant house on a friends farm and David had a lead on a good job while we both worked the holiday season at a JC Penney's...

Anyhow, I have a lot of those stories. So many. Bet we all do actually. Good, often goose bump inspiring, stories. God stories. These stories show me how God plays a huge role in my life. He leads me to life changing situations and then allows me to decide what to do next. Meeting my boys was another recent situation. I swear I knew that that they were mine when I hung out with them the first few times in the Miskaye orphanage in 2010. I was there to help the orphans but God blessed me. Weeks later, flying home from Ethiopia my heart was breaking as I could literally picture the boys flying home next to me. I felt overwhelmed asking my husband to consider adding a #7 and a #8 to our family. But, God prompted. Life changed again.

Well, in this new year, in this 2 1/2 weeks of 2012 God has been prompting me in a number of ways again. More quiet and subtle, He has been telling me to do something I love to do ~ be social. I don't know if this is for my benefit or what but He is inspiring me to make lunch dates, write notes, say yes to dinners with the girls from high school, make calls. I am not 3 weeks into 2012 and I have had to dub it the year of the friend.

With one of my dearest friends quite ill with cancer, many others I love also battling cancer and the tragic loss of my cousin and his sweet wife dying within 4 months of each other, (leaving behind 2 children who need them), it has really been driven home how short life is and how necessary it is to get out there love it. I can't help it, I need to love. Love my family, love my friends, love Ethiopia, love life, love the world. It is a physical need and so this year I will embrace it. I will eat too often at Panara. I will probably drink too many latte's and spend $ I shouldn't, but this is something that I can't go back on. I have been nudged and must go with it. I have people to talk to and to listen to and the share with. I have some kind of mission that I don't honestly even understand yet. I will seek to live out this one-of-a-kind year full of old and new friendships and see where it takes me... I have learned that I am rarely disappointed when I follow God's lead. I am pretty excited actually... Stay tuned, things are about to change yet again.

New Year, new thoughts

2012-01-05T14:33:00.004-05:00

Hope you all had a great Christmas and holiday. Ours rocked. I do love Christmas ~ it is a very special time of year with all the messages of peace, the Christmas music, the lights and trees and goodies.

Here at Irishopian we never really go overboard on the gifts. That is just not our style. We keep things low key and try to stay focused on the birth of Jesus. I am quite proud of my kids because I know they hear of friends getting tv's for their rooms, laptops and dune buggy's etc,. but my kids are happy with the books, games and clothes they receive. They seem to realize that having 8 kids is costly and also, more importantly, they know that those big ticket items are not the real "reason for the season".

So, as I do, I was pondering the new year this morning. I was thinking of how some really believe 2012 will bring about the end of the world. I have to say I am not too worried about that happening. But I made of mental list of the things I plan to worry about and the things I don't intend to give much of my time...

Here are my thoughts:

Will worry about:

*My daughter going off to college and how much I am going to miss her. Ugh.
*My Ethiopian sons doing better in school, especially Fitsum who is truly overwhelmed.
*The rotting dormers on my house. We MUST get these fixed!
*Starting an exercise regimen. I am hoping to really make exercise a priority in my life again.
*Getting to Mass on all the First Fridays of the year. There is a special devotion to the Sacred Heart of Jesus that is shown through the 1st Friday's.
*Hugging my kids more often. Some need it more than others but I want them all held tight to me at least once a day!
*Getting this medical mission trip planned. This is a big worry for me because I have allowed myself to put it off too long and I am behind!
*Drinking more water.
*Blogging. I miss it. I would like to blog at least weekly and know that someone finds what I say interesting or helpful.
*Nurturing friendships. I am blessed to have many different pockets of friends and I love that. I want to spend more time with these uplifting and special people in 2012.

Will NOT worry about:

*The Kardashians
*Other people's drama, ugh, life is too darn short for ridiculous nonsense, keep it away from me please!
*the end of the world
*Grades for some of my kids. Sounds funny but I would rather see these particular kids work as hard as they can even if that means no A's.
*The upcoming election. I will be an educated voter but I will not get sucked into the pettiness of politics, ick.
*Whether people like me or not. Though I mostly don't care too much and march to my own drum, sometimes, like most of us I would think, this worry flares up and I allow myself to wallow in it. Not in 2012. I like who I am, that is enough.
*Making people happy. This statement may sound mean but this year we will have to make certain decisions based on what is best for our children. Some of our choices may leave some people unhappy. I am truly sorry if in the end someone feels let down, betrayed, angered by any of these. Some decisions are not popular though they are still the right decisions.

Those are the things that went through my head this morning. What about you? Have you decided what is worth worrying about for this new year?

A great gift idea for that tough guy on your list...

2011-12-18T20:16:00.004-05:00

Okay, forgive me for using this word but since it fits I am going with it... I suck at adding links to my blog. In over 400 posts I have never figured out what I am doing wrong when I try to add a link! I cannot get the link to come up in such a way that you, my dear reader, can just click and be at the site I'm sharing... So, in today's post you will have to take 15 extra seconds to cut and paste, sorry.
I figure this link I am sharing (ineptly) might just be the perfect gift idea, especially for that person who is the hardest to buy for, and you know we all have one or two of those people on our list! Take a minute to check this link out so that together we can make this year a win-win. Let's give to those in need in that hard-to-buy-for-person's honor. This way no one has to lie when they tell you they love whatever unnecessary gadget, sweater or fruitcake you ended up getting in a fit of panic. This way there are no inconvenient trips to the mall to return the panic gift and that person gets to feel great about what was done in their name.

So here is a link to Ethio-American Blended Families, EAFS. This group does a lot of extremely important work. They have helped to establish 2 orphanages that take in any and all orphans, HIV positive, large family groups, older children, etc,. They never turn any child away because they will be too hard to place and that my friends is an incredible thing! They housed my boys for well over a year and their work allowed my boys to attend a local school while waiting for their forever family (us!). Thanks to their commitment to the children they serve they recently helped bring home a sibling set of 5! That group waited for over 2 years and thanks to EAFS they had what they needed while waiting. EAFS also helped established a Feed and Read center for non adoptable orphans. They feed these children, pay their school & uniform fees. They also tutor the kids to help keep their grades up. Their Feed and Read gives the children a safe place to go when not in school. They clothe them and help teach them life skills so that eventually these precious souls will be able to take care of themselves. I have visited the Feed and Read and seen their work first hand. It is such a blessing! I cannot write enough about the tremendous needs that exist in Ethiopia and how much $ is needed to continually meet those needs but, donating to EAFS is a great place to start ~ http://ethioamericanfamily.org/miskaye_orphanage_bg/
So, please, give in someones honor today and from our family to yours, have a Merry, Merry Christmas!

processing and learning... we're getting there

2011-12-12T10:46:00.004-05:00

Yesterday I wanted to marinade some venison roasts. So I put the roasts in a pyrex. Then I cut the onions and started looking for the spices I needed. I couldn't find all the spices so I cleaned out my spice cabinet. 30 minutes later I finished and realized that I still needed to add some wine to my marinade. So I went to my dining room for wine and realized that there may be a bottle leaking in my wine fridge. So I cleaned out the fridge and I dusted the bar. I windexed the granite and I realized that the rag I was using needed to go to the laundry room. So I took it in. Then I checked the laundry and realized that there was some funky sticker residue on Besu's sweatshirt so I used some Goo Gone and got it off. Then I decided I had better consolidate some my cleaning products so I started pouring and organizing. When I finished doing all that I had bottles I needed to recycle, so I took them to the bin in my kitchen, where I realized that I needed wine for my marinade....
It took me 90 minutes to make a simple marinade. Distraction is not my friend but imagine having to live this way... This is how Fitsum learns right now. Every night he comes home with a simple story sheet and questions to answer. But if we want to read the story we have to take it back and explain this and that and then explain more about the example I am using for the explanation. It takes a LOT of time. It is frustrating to him and lately I see he is absorbing less and less. At first he soaked it ALL up. He remembered everything. Now though he is truly processing so much from the minute he wakes til the minute he sleeps again and I think he is wearing out. About a month ago he received an assignment for a book report (didn't we used to do these about once a week?) he had to read a book, answer questions and design a book jacket for the story. He was not a happy camper. Reading is such a chore for him. He can sound out any word but understanding what it means is so complicated. I told Fitze that I would read a chapter a night with him. He chose a book called Shiloh Season. It is the 2nd in a trilogy about a boy and his dog. The first 2 weeks of reading were torture. In between homework, band practice, soccer and footsall practices we managed to get through a few chapters but he would beg me to stop after 5, 6, 7 pages each night. It was too much to take in and after a long day of school he needed a break. Finally though, after Thanksgiving, the story seemed to pick up for Fitsum. He began to look forward to reading each night and soon we were doing 3 and 4 chapters a night because he wanted to know what would happen next. We turned the report in last Friday and he was so happy. I had to help him reword his answers to the questions quite a bit since he doesn't have the vocab to elaborate but he did a great job. Yesterday my parents took he and Besu to a local production of A Christmas Carol and Fitsum recognized that Ebenezer Scrooge was like the bad man in our book. It sounds so silly but when learning a whole new language referencing a character like that is huge! Fitsum and I have decided that we will read the 3rd book in the Shiloh series next and then I told him we could move on to some funny books.
Adopting older children is never going to be a piece of cake. There are so many, many issues you don't even realize will be issues until they are home and in the thick of it all. But if you truly know & understand this going into the process and commit to doing what it takes, adopting older children pays off big time...
Just like my venison roasts. Mmmmm.

2011-11-07T11:56:00.003-05:00

You ever have those days where you feel like no one gets you? I have those a lot. I am weird. I am different. I have 8 kids and I cannot stop thinking about the millions of people in need in Ethiopia and all over the world. People call me a saint, religious, stupid, crazy... lots of things. Some labels are meant to be kind and some are just downright ignorant because I am none of those things people say. I am no saint. I struggle and mess up all the time just like everyone else. I am not religious though I do love the Lord and try to strengthen my relationship with Him constantly. I am not stupid or crazy or whatever else either. I am just me. I am one of the gazillions of people that have graced this earth at some point who is completely unlike anyone else. Just like you. Sometimes in life our needs are similar to others and sometimes they are not. Right now, I am on the "not" side of the fence. I need different things now. I need to have others to chat with that love Ethiopia/Africa/orphans too. I need to be with my Irishopian hubby and kids. I need to stay away from ugliness, negativity and drama. And, oh boy, does it exist. I need a goat for Christmas. Not for me. Sweet hubby wouldn't have it. He says we have enough living creatures to be responsible for at the moment. We probably do. I need a goat from World Vision for someone in a country that has nothing. I have what I need and plenty more. I can go to Target and get what I want. I am buying some new tennis shoes this week actually. (Um, no, not from Target.) But my point is this. I do not need stuff anymore. I like stuff. Do I like stuff. Way too much. But I don't need it. A widow in Uganda needs some way to feed her family. She has big needs. I now get that. So I want to send her a goat. That makes me odd. I want things like a new pair of Uggs, an outdoor heater, a new coat but I don't need them. This freaks some of those I love right out. It makes me unnerving in some ways... Why must I always go against the status quo? On a day like today I feel like I am at a tough place where I am surrounded by a million people and no one sees the real me. My Irishopian man does, thank God, but even my family sometimes backs away. They are tired of hearing it. Tired of my constant talk of going back to Ethiopia to bring medicine, plant community gardens, bring eye glasses. I see it on their faces. It is an instant "oh no, here she goes again" expression. They tolerate it for a moment and then interject with a "honey, maybe you should stop planning so many trips to Ethiopia"... 4 trips is truly NOT that many. At least I don't think so... I am uncomfortable for others to be around I guess. And you know what? I think I am funny. Sometimes. When I can be myself and share a bit of the burning desire in my heart then I can move onto to other things. I love to be sarcastic. I love to laugh so hard I sound crazy and I have tears. I want to add right here that I am extremely grateful for the love that I am shown by wonderful people. This weekend we had our first fundraiser and I cannot tell you how blessed I feel to have had so many people show up. We had a great night and I think everyone who took part in our Scavenger Hunt enjoyed it. We always work hard to make our fundraising truly fun. If I am going to ask you to part with your hard earned $ I want you to enjoy doing it. So maybe more people get me and our mission then I realize? Maybe I am just tired and a bit raw from a couple of conversations I have had since the weekend's big event. I know I am still hurt by a few special people who could've come to our event but didn't. I need to grow a thicker skin. If I am going to be a mom who stands out as much as I do with a mixed race family of 10, I need to stop having days where people not "getting me" gets me down. Clearly it is going to happen. But, that is sometimes easier said then done. So, just to clear the air, this is who I really am: grateful, emotional, funny, passionate, hard headed, determined, tender-hearted and a bit 'out there'. I am an open book who constantly wears my heart on my sleeve. Today it got snot and dirt thrown at it. I guess if you wear your heart on your sleeve poop like this is bound to happen. I just have to keep more tissues in my pockets right?
Hope you are feeling understood wherever you may be Irishopian readers.

My kids & my hubby

2011-10-26T14:21:00.007-04:00

are my life...

Thank you God for every crazy, wonderful, they're-driving-me-nuts, blessed moment that you give me with each of them!

Put down that Poptart!

2011-10-10T10:21:00.014-04:00

The decision has been made. I made it while in the shower last night. The shower is where I get a lot of my thinking done. It might be an odd place for thinking but my bathroom is the one place that the kids leave me alone. I have never told them that it was off limits but, for some reason, the kids respect my bathroom time. With that in mind I have a little stool in there, (no pun intended) and I keep my iPad and magazines there. I will sometimes sneak up and sit and read or play a game of Words with Friends if I just need a 10 minute break. No one has ever questioned it & even if I don't need my "refuge" it's comforting knowing it's there... So, anyway, while washing my hair last night, I made the decision to try a modified Atkins diet again. I did a very strict Atkins diet off and on last year. The longest stretch was for 14 weeks and during that time I lost 9 lbs. I felt that 9 lbs was not enough for such effort, so I quit. Then I gained back the 9 lbs + who knows how much more... Now I want to give it another shot. I am ready and truthfully kind of excited because once I make a decision I pride myself on putting 100% behind it. And right now that means there is a lot of behind behind it... So this morning I kicked off my Atkins effort with the breakfast of champions: . An Atkins bar and a sugar free Cinnamin Dolce Latte. Not too horrible. I can do this...

So we had a great weekend here at Irishopian. We did a tailgating party at our Homecoming game Friday night for all the German exchange students. That ended up being really fun. Sadly, they left on Saturday and we will very much miss our Pauline. She was a sweetie and both Finlay and Reece ended up very close with her. Finlay will go stay with her family in June and hopefully Reece will get to go with the group if there is an openning. For a girl who comes from a quiet, organized life in Germany, Pauline sure adapted quickly and fit right in to our chaos. She went everywhere the kids went which meant that Saturday morning she came with us to a music festival at one of our favorite churches. Finlay and Reece were "backup dancers" for Fr Mark who was the MC Hammer figure. Here are a few shots of their Hammertime dance to open the festival:
After the dance most of us got to hang out & play for a bit. Then it was time to take Pauline to the airport pickup and time to get ready for the Homecoming dance and for my 25th class reunion. One thing about celebrating 25 years of graduation from high school, at least for me, is that you don't have anything to prove. It's quite liberating. I have always liked my graduating class and a lot of us have connected on facebook so we have forged new/deeper friendships these past few years. But there is always that history with a few people that used to be "issues". Well, now at 25 years, there are no more issues for me. You don't like me? Fine, don't like me. It's all good, we are all equals, we have all battled, struggled, failed, succeed, loved, lost and hopefully loved again. I am sure that we have all been through quite a lot in our 25 years and one thing it's taught me is to just be happy that those of us who are still here are just that, still here. We lost a dear, sweet friend this past summer to cancer - she was 42. Too young to go. But more and more I think the rest of us realize that every day we have, especially every healthy, happy day is a true gift. So, sermon over, it was a good night. I enjoyed seeing my former classmates and hope to see even more of them at our 30th. And who knows, if I stick to this new plan maybe I will even be a size 6 then...

You do the math...

2011-10-05T13:17:00.013-04:00

Happy anniversary to us. Today marks our 10th month home. Our 10th month as a family of 10. Our 10th month with even higher mountains of laundry and much higher food bills. Our 10th month of driving 2 cars when we go somewhere together. Our 10th month with 6 sons under one roof.
Having 8 kids has been everything I hoped and prayed it would be. Fun, full, busy, chaotic, tough & truly exhausting. Having 8 kids was my dream and really, how many people get to live out their dream? I honestly don't think many do. Maybe some would think I haven't aimed high enough? I would beg to differ. Raising 8 kids who are healthy mentally, physically, spiritually and emotionally is far more important than playing on a professional sports team or winning American Idol.
Now, Ryan Seacrest may not agree with me, but I believe that raising kids and helping them become morally strong adults who are self sufficient, thoughtful and somewhat normal is a testament to anyone who does it. I have learned that there is no one successful way to parent. Parenting is not a one-size-fits-all. There is usually not even a successful one-size-fits-most philosophy either, at least in this household. That is why parenting, done right, is completely and utterly exhausting. You've got to come up with new strategies for every occasion and just because something worked well on one kid does not mean it will work at all on another!
No matter how many kids you parent, you have to get out of bed with your game face on and prayerfully, patiently be ready for breakdowns, anger, hours of shuttling kids places, cooking great dinners they won't touch and enduring hours of putting up with really bad trumpet practicing. Everyday that I do these things with love I see my children grow into happier/healthier human beings. For every meltdown I see growth afterward.
Take our Besu boy for example. He is a boy who loves love now! His past had so much hurt in it. Why would he trust us? He hadn't seen a lot of reasons to trust anyone before in his short life and for a while I truly wondered how we would make it... Now, 10 months home, he is feeling love. He has allowed us in. We whispered to him over and over that this was it and that we were his family forever and his thick, tough exterior has been cracked. We are seeing this vulnerable little boy learn to gauge reactions. He can tell when he has overstepped his boundaries and is even beginning to stop negative behaviors and change them. He doesn't need to protect himself by trying to be funny in an obnoxious way anymore. He gets that being the loudest person in the room doesn't make you the rooms comedian. He also sees that being rude and mean is not humor. He is getting it because he knows that no one here will hurt him or let him down. He knows that he will have food, have clean clothes, be able to play soccer, go to school, get hot showers, brush his teeth. He knows that nothing will take that away from him and most importantly, he knows now what it is like to truly be loved by his forever family. So we are seeing a new Besu. Maybe even a new and improved Besu? I loved him then but I love that it is easier to love him now.
And our Fitsum has begun to trust in another way. He has finally let his guard down and will now let us "in". He has begun to hug and smile a lot more and it his smiles are not empty like they often used to be. This little boy, who grew up too fast on the streets of Addis, has allowed himself to be a kid, our kid, and he finally let's us take care of him. He still doesn't like being told to go to bed or to pick up his room but there is safety in the routine and this in turn helps him to let go and let us parent. It has been like falling in love in reverse actually. I see him looking at me in ways that I haven't seen in years! He sees something special in me that a person falling in love sees... it's a truly special time, watching him begin to love his mom and dad and the final few siblings that he hadn't initially connected with. Besu wanted it all right away but didn't know how to trust what we were offereing was real. Fitsum proceeded in a much more cautious way. He wasn't sure how to deal with us at all and needed to allow us in on his terms.
In 10 months we have all come so far. The emotions spewing out of everyone have been heightened and they bombarded us fast, furiously and often. The adjustment has been well, frankly, an adjustment! But here at 10 months I can tell you that 10 months + 8 kids = 1 pretty happy Irishopian family...

The latest on our motley crew of 8

2011-09-19T13:58:00.011-04:00

So we just finished our county fair weekend. The 5 kids who entered exhibits did great on their entries and Fitsum & Besu were tickled about winning ribbons. Fitsum even won a grand champion on a poster he drew. Both boys fell in love with the livestock, especially the goats. I never had the heart to tell them that most of these goats were headed for market. That's even hard for me to take...
In other news we are into the soccer games full swing. Fitsum and Besu both play travel and are both pretty darn good players! David and I had made a commitment back when we decided to bring these boys home. We knew that they wanted to play sports and were going to be talented. We knew it would complicate our lives a heck of a lot more then it even already was. But we did it because we loved them and knew it was what they deserved.
So here we are now and this travel stuff is like nothing I have ever experienced before. This is S-E-R-I-O-U-S stuff. These people eat, breath & sleep soccer. Me? I am just happy to see my boys playing and playing their best, but I don't even know most of the rules of soccer. I couldn't tell you what being "off sides" means or what constitutes a red or yellow card.
I love my boys and want to watch them play but I don't need to know all that stuff... is that selfish? Hope not. It's just the best I can do quite frankly.
*Lest you think I do not care about Besu, first, he would not allow me to take pics of him at the fair or this morning when I was using my phone to snap pics of the kids at the bus stop. And, it was not me taking these awesome soccer pics. Like I say, this is some major stuff so Fitsum's team has an unofficial team videographer and team photographer. This actually works out great for a schlep of a mom like me, who always means to bring a camera but is usually running too late to find one... So thanks team for making it look like I was on the ball for once! And thank God for the ability to cut and paste... phew!

As for the other punks (typed that word with love, really) who live here, well, they have all been busy too.
Finlay is working towards graduation and trying to increase her chances of winning more scholarship money for college next year. She is going to be the 'host sister' to a German exchange student who arrives this weekend and stays for 2 weeks. She is working as part of the stage help for the schools fall production and she is babysitting each weekend. She is heavily involved in youth group and constantly cleaning her room though it never looks like it. Never.
Reece just landed a big part in his high school's fall production. He is up to his eyes in work with a heavy load that includes Trig/Pre-Calc & AP Chemistry which he loves and never stops talking about. (And yes, he knows we tune him out a lot.) He is getting into youth group in a deeper way by joining what they call The Dead Theologians Society and Reece never even attempts to clean his room.
Seamus is in 8th grade, loves his school and mostly hates being at home. We recently re-arranged the bedrooms so that he could finally have a room of his own. He spends a fair bit of time up there. Sometimes he is sent and often times he retreats. He is golfing a bit with my mom and dad and seems to enjoy being with them because A)he loves his grandparents and B)because they are not us. Seamus is a hormonal volcano that can and does erupt at the most unexpected times but we remind ourselves that this too shall pass and one day our baby will be back. Hopefully.
Next in the line-up is soccer playing Fitsum. I think I have shared before how Fitsum's brain is a steel trap. He remembers just about everything you tell him. Recently, we were talking about figures of speech and we went through a few of them. He enjoyed them though he didn't understand what all of them meant. The next day in the car I was explaining some cool things about an air show we were going to but Fitze didn't believe what I was sharing. He said "mom, you think I was yesterday born?"! 9 months home and I would say his English is pretty darn good...
Rory is 10 going on 30. He is in no way that mature, but he is a funny guy in that he has loved being in love since he realized that women existed. Right now he is truly, madly and deeply in love with a little girl of 10 who he only sees at church and socially. She feels the same way about him though and in his little mind he has their path all mapped out. They have, in fact, talked baby names. (Yes, that is a little scary.) Rory has just begun playing the trumpet this school year and we are occasionally woken up to the sound of sick, bellowing cow that we eventually realize is Rory practising.
Besu is next. He has come so far in 9 months that I cannot even remember (until I stop and think about it) how hard it was bringing him home. He still has moments that make you want to go nutty but they are fewer and further apart than ever! His seems to have overcome some of the trauma that we believe he was dealing with. He has become more affectionate then ever and he is growing far faster then his Ethiopian brother. Now Besu is not a scholar and he hates the idea of learning. Ask him to read a book and you will get a head shake with a nasty "aw man" everytime. But, that being said, he is realizing that no one likes a sullen boy with a bad attitude. Phew. I don't honestly know what stays in that head of his as he seems to have a hard time with recall and comprehension like his baby sister. Besu recently moved into a bedroom with Kieran and that seems to be going well. Double phew!
Kieran is nearly 8. He is such a funny little boy and so darn confident. He has had so many siblings and au pairs dote on him that he expects it of the world! He is a limit pusher in a charming way and he is bright and lazy. He is a good soccer player but doesn't feel like working too hard to become a great one. He is a good student but couldn't care less about neater work or studying to reach the top. He is sure that luck will always drop right into his lap and that one day someone will be thanking their lucky stars he showed up for a job interview. For his sake, I hope he's right!
Marin is another story. My girl is so darn cute and does the neatest work you will ever see. But, like Besu, comprehension is a tough one for her. You can read a story, act it out, go through all the aspects of it to be sure she gets it and then when the time comes to answer questions she has no idea what you are talking about. Ugh. It is frustrating and to be honest, a bit frightening. We laughingly say "thank God she's pretty" but we truly worry. She has been home 3 1/2 years now. Wow. She has been here nearly as long as there. I would have thought that by now things would have clicked into place. I guess that is where the scary part comes in. Maybe it is not going to be any better then it is now? Marin is a happy child with the kindest heart but she is oblivious to so much in life! She is supposed to be turning 8 in November but I believe that she is a good bit older then that. She is so tall and so healthy now - one of the larger children in first grade. She does not want to have to do anything structured like sports. Competition is not her thing. She would rather eat, play alone and color any day.
So there they are in their glory. Our crew amazes us and we love em, warts and all. Sometimes I think about re-naming my blog. I mean, the adoption journey for us is over with a capital O. We are pretty tapped out mentally & financially and to be honest the emotional mom-o-meter is pretty near depleted too. I guess our new focus is truly on raising 8 extremely different children without leaving too many scars...

eye of the beholden...

2011-08-31T20:18:00.015-04:00

You can buy a nice house. Or a not-so-nice house that you work hard to fix up. Either way, the fact of the matter is, if you have 8 kids it won't be nice for long...
For example:

they will scratch names and pictures into your leather couches

they will pull the wallpaper off the wall

they will junk up everywhere, especially your garage

they will break your tools

they will bust open the pillows you bought to top off the beds they never make

they will pop the covered buttons off your custom ottoman

they will dirty your coveted bar stool seats

they will write on your kitchen table

they will scratch your dining room table, the very week you get it home

They will do many, many things to drive you mad. But you will love them despite the destruction and you will realize that a nice house is something you don't really need right now anyway...

courage for the grumpy

2011-08-25T10:03:00.004-04:00

So things are a bit much right now. Not sure when it all started but in the last week life has slid downhill rapidly. Hurrican Irene is heading straight for my beach cottage. Yep, the one that just underwent a beach replenishment. Money is getting tight with leaks in the house that have caused us to open walls, our Suburban needing to be fixed and it's tires needing to be replaced, high school books needing to be purchsed and everyone needing new shoes, socks and tons of school supplies & the dryer having to be replaced. The kids have been fighting non-stop and the hardest part is I truly don't know what to do for the first time in my career of mom. One of my bio son fights constantly with our new boys & in his mind he has never done anything wrong. He always truly convinces himself that they start it all every time. That being said, the new boys do pick on him and favor anyone over him which I know frustrates him. Bio son has not made things easy for new sons from the day they arrived home so I can't always blame them for the things they do either. I struggle to know who to punish/correct/blame/talk to/etc,. Fitsum hasn't talked to me in 5 days and quite frankly it's now just making me angry! He felt I shouldn't have corrected him when he was fighting with said brother so I guess he's thinking he's going to teach me a lesson. Ugh. (I've got some lessons I would like to teach!)
I am working my tail off (along with a couple of extremely dedicated friends) to put on our 2nd Scavenger Hunt. It will be the first Grow Hope mission trip fundraiser and sadly I picked a really bad weekend... I am hoping and praying for it's success because I know it should be amazing. If people are good enough to come I want it to be amazing and I think it will be. I have spent tons of time working on our the actually hunt - I really want the competition to be fierce - at this point though all I can do is leave it in the hands of the Lord.
I am watching my man work his tail off, flying all over the country most weeks and talking all day on useless conference calls (my opinion not his) and he is tired. My dear friend is extremely sick with cancer and my cousin died the other day completely unexpectedly. It feels like it's all crashing down. It just feels heavy and scary...
But, then I turn on the radio yesterday and hear this song and it helps. It reminds me that God has got this and that He will allow nothing to happen that isn't able to benefit the greater good of mankind. He knows the hairs on my graying head (yep, gotta get that done soon too), he knows the ache in my heart and the needs of my tired, fighting family. So I may be overwhelmed and grumpy and whine but I will try to remind myself to trust the Lord and to be courageous in Him.

gifts from the heart

2011-07-22T11:53:00.005-04:00

I have been thinking about life a lot since my bday took place a few days ago. 43. Oh yeah. It's all good actually, growing older doesn't bother me at all. So far. I feel very blessed to be living this life. It is not always easy but it is uniquely mine.

So, happy bday to me. I do love my birthday. This year it was pretty uneventful. Sent 3 kids off to a week of overnight camp that morning and then we just hung out with the other kids here until David and I went out for dinner, alone. I chose to go to Caraba's - they have this summer salad that I love. Ummm, arugula. My absolute favorite!

Arugula aside, the big thing I wanted to share about my day is what the boys did for me. Their gifts to me have been one of the most moving things ever.

Fitsum asked the piano teacher if she could teach him to play Happy Birthday for me. She taught him but he didn't ever mention it to me. That day our sweet piano teacher messaged me on facebook to see if I liked the song. Well, of course I had to go ask Fitze if he knew a song that he could play for me. He got all embarrassed saying "not good enough mom"... in the end he played it and it was beautiful. Not perfect but perfect for me. I loved it. It meant so much that he cared enough to prepare this song for me all through the week before. 7 months home and I am really seeing true signs of affection from my Fitsum. It is so heart-melting! I love this child so much!

Besu also did something special. The week before my bday, Besu just kept asking me if my birthday was really coming up. It was so funny. I don't know if he didn't believe me or what. Now though I really think he was trying to come up with something to do for me.
Besu celebrated his birthday in April. He couldn't believe that there would be fanfare all for him. He was on a high all day. We rented a moon bounce and had some of his school friends & cousins over. We did the pizza, cake and pinata thing. He never stopped smiling. He loved his gifts but my boy truly coveted his cards. They were like precious possessions to him. I think they were a tangible reminder that there were people who cared about and loved him. He kept his cards next to his bed on his little table and he looked at them often... So, when Besu saw David give me a card on my bday, he got up from the table, (stopping in mid-snack, another special effort just for me!), ran upstairs and then ran back and handed me these cards

I thought it was so cute that he had re-gifted his coveted cards for me. But then he told me to open them. So I did. And I tried not to cry when I found this.

Besu had scratched out the messages to him and wrote special words to me.

Who could ask for anything more really... I am one very lucky mom.

20 years!

2011-07-15T10:44:00.004-04:00

20 years. My hubby and I just celebrated our 20 year anniversary. Wow. Though it is truly impossible to imagine life before my man, I still cannot believe that we have been hitched so long! I guess it's mainly hard to believe that we are old enough to have been married 20 years... I could ask where does the time go but any of you with even 1 child knows the answer to that.
Time flies by in a haze of driving, dishes, lunches, dinners, laundry, sign-ups, grocery shopping, tournaments, camps, volunteering, church, youth group,
4-H meetings, more driving, practices, blah, blah, blah. And then you sleep, not much here, but enough to get up the next day & start the routine again.... sound familiar?
The fact that our 20 years of marriage now seem to have passed in the blink of an eye makes the gift that my dear friend gave us even more special. My friend Amy (Amy of the water tour trip to Ethiopia in 2010, remember her?) gave us a 4 day break away together. With. No. Kids! It was heavenly. We flew to Montreal and made the most of our time just being together, getting decent nights of sleep(!), walking all through the city, exploring the beautiful countryside, taking in a U2 concert & watching a couple of movies while eating candy in our room! We even had our marriage blessed after Mass at St Patrick's Cathedral in the heart of the city. (pics to come - it's a pretty city, you'll enjoy them) Ahhh, what perfection. What an awesome break away. What a gift. What a friend!
So thanks again Amy. We love you so much.
And a belated happy anniversary to the only man I could ever love like this. Thanks for the first 20 years my snookie, let's shoot for at least 40 more!

soulful neglect

2011-06-27T19:23:00.011-04:00

I have been neglecting my blog a lot lately.

The good Lord knows that there is plenty to write about.

Ugh. Plenty. But, that being said, I have just had no energy for attempting to put enough words together to create a post worth reading.

Why, oh why, can't I write like Gwen or Courtney or Linney? They write interesting, funny posts that I look so forward to reading. Posts that I totally relate to and feel like I could have written. But never do. Or Liz or Cat, or many other bloggy friends who write sincere, heartfelt posts that educate, make you think or share interesting facts.

Me, I feel like I am just either A.)whining or B.)thanking God.***

***Not that there's anything wrong with the above exhibit B, but, I would like to write about other things too...

Now before I have realized it, 22 days have gone by and I am guilty of *cue the Areatha Franklin music* N - E - G - L - E - C - T, find out what it means to me, N - E - G - L - E - C - T, take care, TCB, sock it to me, sock it to me, sock it to me, sock it to me, Oh, sock it to me, sock it to me, sock it to me, sock it to me...

Well on that note (how punny, get it!) I will try to update our Irishopian lives just a bit. I think I will talk about school since the kids have been out one week today.

The school year was a great one. As some of you know, one year ago, we left our safe, secure Catholic school due to some terrible administrative changes. We felt so strongly that the changes were so bad that we took a frightening plunge and put the non high-schoolers into public school. (And enter exhibit B) Well, God is good and our fears were put to rest. We had a wonderful year at both our elementary and jr high schools. The new boys started in early January and our approach was that they were not to feel pressure about grades. We stated over and over that they were to simply integrate, hopefully pick up language and just generally become more comfortable with life and school and culture here. It worked. They made great friends, became familiar with the school routines and picked up quite a bit of language. They have a LONG way to go but they will hopefully make major strides as their time home grows.

One thing I must comment on is this. Imagine for a moment the difficulties older children like my boys have in coming here and starting a new life. Like me, I bet you automatically assumed that the lack of English is the biggest issue, but I think there is a far bigger issue. How about the fact that Fitsum didn't know that a man had ever walked on or been to the moon. Or the fact that the boys don't get the cultural references that we here just grow up with - the meaning of to 'cut the cheese' or 'cheese touch'. Or the fact that they stare blanky when Cha Cha Cha is added to the birthday song. Or the fact that they are not sure what special effects on tv are real or fake. Or the fact that they don't understand how to dress appropriately - they pick out undershirts for church with holey jeans (again, very punny) or love to layer plaid shorts with plaid shirts and will top the outfit off with long, ridiculous socks. These things are bigger then language. Sometimes much bigger.

When David and I moved back to the US one of the hardest things for him as an Irishman was the feeling of being left out. We grew up watching different shows, hearing different songs, eating different candy, playing different games. When I mentioned the Brady Bunch episode of "Marsha, Marsha, Marsha", he didn't get it. He didn't know what a sophomore was. He just couldn't understand the need for so many things on a salad bar... It took him years to make these cultural references familiar. It took him years to stop crossing his legs while he sat in a chair. It took him years to understand the importance of spending $ on braces. And now our sons are struggling to catch up. But the difference is is that at least David spoke English, had a tv, celebrated the same holidays as me and was old enough to understand that you sometimes have to conform a bit to feel at home. Fitsum and Besu still don't understand these nuances in their new life. So, as great as the school year was, as thrilled as we are with the rapidly expanding vocab there still remains much to learn...
In years to come, finally catching up on so much that these boys are not even aware of yet or that simply makes no sense now will truly be a giant step for man!

6 months

2011-06-05T22:17:00.003-04:00

Happy anniversary to us!!!
6 months ago today we stepped off of a plane and our new sons met the rest of their 'forever family'. It hasn't been easy, but, we've come a long way in a short time and everyone is settling in pretty well now.
God is good.

Praying together for gifts from the Holy Spirt

2011-06-03T09:46:00.006-04:00

So Irishopian readers today I wanted to share that I am joining over 2500 Catholics to pray a Novena to the Holy Spirit this Pentecost.

I have done Novena's via my blog before & I thought I would share another one that I am starting on Saturday. It lasts 9 days and doesn't take but a few minutes a day to pray.

I’m pretty excited to pray this Novena with so many Catholics around the world and I hope you’ll join in too. Even if you're not Catholic, or are a very lapsed Catholic, or if you truly have no faith at all, please join us. What have you got to lose? Ever hear of Pascal's wager? Google it, it's a cool concept for those who doubt...

Anyhow, there are thousands of people praying through this novena website and there will be millions praying around the world.

http://www.praymorenovenas.com/novena-to-the-holy-spirit

+ Please go there and sign up for handy email prayer reminders that arrive daily for the 9 days of this Novena.
+ If you have a website, post about it there! Who doesn't need the Holy Spirit in their life?!
+ Email your friends and family and get them praying too! The gifts of the Holy Spirit are there for all of us!

Fitsum - 2 of 2

2011-06-01T19:54:00.006-04:00

This is the second of my updates in honor of our fast approaching 6-month-home anniversary. This post is about our Fitsum, or Fitze,(with an 'a' sound at the end) as we tend to call him.

So here's a bit about our boy:

*Fitsum loves red.
*Fitsum loves anything artistic, drawing, playing music, creating things.
*Fitsum likes to take things apart. Electronic things. But he can't put things back together. Yet.
*Fitsum remembers everything you teach him. His brain is amazing.
*Fitsum does not eat much. This worries us.
*Fitsum loves soccer and is a fantastic player.
*Fitsum knows the scores of every game he has played so far this spring season. He knows who got each goal and who was playing what position at the time they scored. Amazing brain, told ya.
*Fitsum is uber competitive. I mean like ridiculous. Everything has to be a competition from Soccer down to finding punch-buggy's as we are driving. We have had a few talks about not getting upset if you don't win every time. So far this soccer season he has been yellow carded twice. Uh oh.
*Fitsum is tender and gentle. He loves babies - truly loves babies. More than most 11year old boys.
*Fitsum loves to be outdoors. He loves the tractor, loves to help with yard work & loves to help David with any outdoor jobs.
*Fitsum loves money. David gave him $5 a couple of weeks ago for helping him clean out a gunky, leaf-filled drain that took hours and was tough work. When David handed him the money, Fitsum couldn't believe it! Now I give him $5 per week to water the plants each day and weed the flower beds. He takes this job very seriously and loves doing it. I think the money probably makes him feel safe. He knows what it is like to live hand to mouth and having a 'cushion' must be comforting.
*Fitsum wants to surf. He loves trying to skim board on the beach and is drawn to water. Maybe someday dude he'll catch that narley wave...
*Fitsum has an air of coolness about him. He just does. You know those kids, no matter what they do they are just cool? That's my boy...

The name Fitsum means Annointed - as in this child has been chosen and is the ultimate blessing. I was told that Fitsum's mother thought he would be her final child and she wanted his name to reflect her joy. I will share too that she knew how very smart he was and wanted him to have chances to make something of himself. He was blessed enough to attend school from the time he was small up til he came home and then started school here. What a special woman to have sacrificed to give him the opportunities she did. I won't share more but, trust me, she gave him so much... what an amazing mother.

Not a lot ruffles Fitsum's feathers, though, lately, we do get glimpses of the pain he is dealing with over the loss of all he knew and held dear. Fitsum's first few months home were easy-breezy. Now I think, in a kind of delayed reaction, it has recently begun to sink in that this is it. This is home, forever. As comforting as that can be to some children it can also be a painful realization. When I ask Fitsum if he misses Ethiopia he will usually say "kind of" & sometimes even "no". I don't believe it. I think it is just his 'whatever' attitude that has kept him protected for 20 months now, from the time he entered the Miskaye orphanage until he arrived here. Up til recently Fitsum didn't want to 'need' us. We had to rush to him in any times of crisis, fights, boo boo's, very rare breakdowns & to help him with homework. So independent for so long he had a very hard time accepting help. Finally Fitsum seems to want our help a bit. He even hugged me recently for no reason and boy, did that feel amazing!

So if you've read both my posts you will obviously have seen how different our boys transitions have been. Both have been tough in totally opposite ways - one outwardly with anger and tantrums. One inwardly, withdrawing into a safe place though keeping a smile on in the hopes of fooling the world. The outward reaction was tough, very tough. Raw anger and grief are ugly and scary. But don't doubt that the inward reaction is scary too. As a mom you wonder if your child will ever truly want you, love you, need you. You worry for him and you fear that the grief is too deep to ever heal. But, heal it does, thankfully. Slowly, v-e-r-y slowly, it heals. So 6 months in our life is not a bed of roses (an never was, I mean who's is?!) but it's fun. It's silly with a LOT of laughing. It's full. It's been mind-blowing to witness.

Building this family by adding these 2, well, actually 3, children from Ethiopia has been the greatest gift ever. Ever.

Besufikad - 1 of 2

2011-05-24T11:38:00.007-04:00

So the 6 month mark is fast approaching... June 5th will be 6 months since the boys arrived home. If you've read my blog at all you know that the first few months were a bit difficult. In any adoption, especially an older child adoption, that is to be expected. What is not to be expected is the fact that things are going so well now!

This handsome young man is Besu. He gave us a run for our parental money everyday for months. But, God in His goodness, has healed much of the pain my poor son was feeling & trying desperately to cope with. Now at 5 months home Besu is truly happy. Each day is another incredible milestone. New relationships with siblings are being forged, language is coming fast and furious, peace is reigning in my little mans soul!

No matter how they get to you, whether by birth, foster or adoption, children are the greatest gift ever. Sadly, our 2 new sons were not the last boys available. There are still millions more orphaned children all over the world praying for homes and families... so just think about it, pray hard about it, fast even, because maybe you too are being called to add to your family? In order to encourage you to think seriously about bringing a boy like Besu into your family I want to share a few things about my precious boy.

*Besufikad's name means "with His permission". Without divulging too much I will share that I was told this name was picked for him because he was very unexpected and his mother was encouraged from all sides to abort him. I was told that she believed God had an incredible plan for Besu's life. She felt that if God gave him to her she was to give life to him and allow him to live to his potential. I wish I could thank her for her unselfish gift to us and truly, to the world. Besu does have a plan, one that only he can fill. Now it is our job to help him fulfill that plan.

*Besu loves to eat. My boy eats now like there is no tomorrow. Maybe because there were so many yesterdays when he went hungry? Besu actually hums as he eats. He doesn't even know that he is doing it and it is one of those things that make my heart melt! When people are around him eating for the first time they often ask if I hear something. Yep, I hear it. I have decided that it is the sound of real contentment!

*Besu is an incredible soccer player. Having never even worn cleats or shin guards before arriving home, he is still head and shoulders above most of the kids in his 10and under league. You should see this boy play! It is amazing!

*Besu got to go into the pool for the first time this weekend. We slipped some floaties on him and off he went! He was doing flips off the diving board by the end of the day! He loves to try anything new so swimming for him was fantastic. He has also tried skateboarding, street hockey, basketball, baseball & volleyball. He is good at most everything he tries! God love em, our bio kids and Marin don't have much of an athletic bone between all 6 but this little one and his brother Fitsum are just wonderful athletes!

*Besu does not like having his hair cut. We did it last week for the first time and my boy was not happy! The man who did it was so sweet. He tried to be gentle as he picked all of Besu's hair out in order to shave it down to about 1/2 of where it was. Ouch. Picking all those coarse curls out into an afro that rivaled a young Michael Jackson looked awful painful! In the end though, it looks great and he is thrilled with the attention his haircut has been getting him!

*Besu loves his mommy. I am his rock right now whether he is having a good day or a bad day, I am the one that grounds him. (And yes, I totally relish it!) Besu loves physical affection. He loves me to hold his hand, to rub his back, his hair, his arms, he loves it all. His favorite time seems to be sitting next to me at church when things are quiet and calm and he can snuggle in the crook of my arm with no one able to steal me away! He likes to smell the perfume on my arms, he likes to play with my hair. He just loves me and I often wonder if this is his way of filling his long empty gas tank of affection? It is almost as if you can see him heal when you spend time holding him. His need for affection has been a gift to me. I lavish affection on all of my children but no one has ever needed me in this way before.

*Besu is growing into his own man. His self esteem & belief in himself is noticeably bigger each day. When I met him last year he felt worthless, unloved and unwanted and he was a follower who kept his head and eyes down. David saw the exact same thing when he flew over to meet the boys & go through court and we were truly worried about our poor Besu. We wondered would we ever be able to build him up, we wondered if we were up for the challenge of fixing such a broken little boy? Since arriving home we have been assuring him over and over that this is it. Here is where he will stay forever and that he is a valued member of our family. We have told him how much he is loved and that it is time to let go of the hurts and build a healthy, happy future. We whisper it to him when he is sad, we assure him of it when he is happy and we say it aloud to all of the kids together all the time so that he sees that love is real here and that each of them is important to us. He gets it now. In 5 short months our boy has literally blossomed in front of our eyes. Learning to stand up for himself has caused some issues, especially since the years of being beaten down came rushing out a bit agressively at first, but he has learned and now he amazes us with his little swagger!

Witnessing this child's transformation has been a gift. I think the raw ugliness of so much pain was hard to bear as a parent, but the blessing of growth and healing has made up for the days of doubt and questioning. Again, let me stress that our life here is no fairy tale. It is full of squabbles, mistakes, dumb decisions (often on my part) and poopy moments, but all-in-all life is settling at Irishopian and it is a life I feel so blessed to be living.

Blah

2011-05-11T09:12:00.002-04:00

I'm tired. I'm grumpy. I'm being pulled in too many directions.
I. Am. Out. Of. Energy.
I am even out of words.

something borrowed

2011-05-04T11:10:00.005-04:00

One of my favorite bloggers ever is Courtney at Storing Up Treasures. I just love her and I literally hang on her every word. I truly think that we are a lot alike. Our posts don't show that but I totally relate to almost everything she writes. She is so open, willing to share even the poop in her life and so willing to be blatantly honest. I really, really appreciate that and often times feel as if she is saying what I am thinking...

So the other day Courtney, who by the way has 11 kids and is a once-a-day blogger, did a post called I so wish someone would have told me. And yep, I loved it. Apparently a lot of people did. I noticed today that there are 88 comments! Wow. Can't even imagine...

Here is how she started it:

Are there things about life you wish someone would have told you? Things that surprised you? Or things that have been so hard to deal with because you weren't prepared for them?

I have a long list of those things. And I am sure you do too.

So, today is the day to share them. And then take note. So that maybe, just maybe, one day you can share with someone what they need to know before it happens to them.

It can be out anything.

Marriage. Adoption. Parenting. Birth. Housekeeping. The bedroom. Money.

Seriously anything.

At that point Courtney listed some of her I-so-wish-someone-would-have-told-me things. Once again I related. Then I started thinking about my own list. At first it didn't seem that long. But as I have been thinking about it for a few days it has grown and grown.

So let's play along, shall we? What do you wish you had known in your life before it happened? And many thanks to Courtney for the constant inspiration!

Here are some of mine:

I so wish someone would have told me....

*that organization is a huge plus in life

*that you can love and hate someone at the same time

*that some of us will find our niche later in life and not to worry if we aren't great at sports or the best in math

*that character has nothing to do with grades, schools, looks or money

*that sex with one person for 20 years is still fantastic

*that you should expect to lose friends in your life when you stand up for what is truly right

*that you make people mad sometimes when you do what you have always said you were going to do

*that sometimes friends don't love your adopted children the same way they love your bio ones and so that relationship won't last

*that some people will never appreciate who you are, but that is okay

*that potty training sucks

*that hormones will make everything seem worse some weeks and make everything seem better other weeks

*that it is okay to grief for a miscarried baby

*that it is okay to talk about it too

*that there are wonderful, kind, loving men who will make the very best husbands out there but they might be the ones you make fun of in high school (so sorry honey - just happy we met after high school!)

Looking back to last week's news

2011-05-02T13:40:00.002-04:00

What can anyone say? Our town was hit by an F4 over 9 years ago and I will NEVER forget the devastation. But this, wow, this, was a tornado of epic proportions. Catastrophic. How does one pick themselves up when there is nothing left at all?

“We’re all still alive”:

Just wanted to remind anyone who reads my blog of this disaster and beg for your prayers for those poor souls in the south... thanks.

Dear Ann Landers...

2011-04-27T13:06:00.009-04:00

Catchy post title? I don't know. Someone friended me on facebook yesterday to ask me what I thought about her family adopting older boys. I cannot tell her. I am no expert on adoption. I am no expert on child rearing. But I love what I do and I will always be honest. It may not be pretty but it will be the truth in love. Because that is what's best in my humble opinion...

May 5th will be the 5 month home mark for our newest sons. In some ways it is hard to believe that they are so newly part of our family. The past 5 months feel like a lifetime and besides, it just seems normal now to factor in 8 kids every time we plan something. Of course there are still many times each week that remind us the boys haven't been in America all that long... Like last night when Besu realized there were girls teams practicing on the soccer fields and asked in a unbelieving way "girls play soccer?" Or this weekend when, again, I had to stop the boys from throwing their trash out the car windows. Or when they are shocked to hear that no one here shares their house with their chickens, goats and cows.

Older child adoption is not for everyone. It is a roller coaster of emotions that brings out the most compassionate and wonderful aspects of your being one minute and then, minutes later, leaves you teetering at the brink of sanity. You will feel moved to tears by the trauma and hurt your child struggles to cope with and the pain of missing the life they once led. You will also be ready to pop them on the next African bound plane an hour later. One of the definitions of schizophrenia is a state characterized by the coexistence of contradictory or incompatible elements. This will be your life in a nutshell. I promise though that this schizophrenia lasts only a short while. But it is tough. I have heard from other adoptive parents that the period of "incompatible elements" nearly did them in. I admit readily that there were days when I railed at God for adding 2 very tough kids to our already chaotic life.

But now, all of the sudden, it's okay. It's more than okay actually. It's darn-right great. I am seeing my sons blossom and develop in ways I truly missed with the 5 bio kids and then missed seeing with Marin as she was so young when she arrived home. Our boys are older. 11 and most likely 9. 11 is practically a teenager. So much of my older sons personality has been formed. So much has taken place in his life and he has so many memories that I can never share. But I do get to witness other things and these are like little gifts being handed to me every time one happens. His first pizza, first milkshake, first Swedish Fish, first school bus ride, first snowfall, first soccer game, first birthday party, first dentist appointment, first time seeing sharks in an aquarium, first time seeing the ocean... these firsts have been special, blessings that most people will never experience.

In the adoption world, 'firsts' happen in all kinds of other ways too. Fitsum now attempts to speak in sentences. His first one was "Mom, your ipad, play games, me?" I can't tell you how thrilled I was to hear this! It is burned in my memory of amazing things my kids have done... 2 days ago Fitsum told me "Joey, one fish, catch!" It's awesome to hear him truly trying to communicate and excited about what he is sharing! Besu has just started coming to me each morning to show me his outfit. Through this I have discovered how much he loves my approval. He also craves physical affection from me (and I love to give it to him!) He likes me to wake him each morning by scratching his back. He loves me to put oil/product in his hair. The first time he came seeking this action I was finishing up with Marin's hair routine. Besu knew what he wanted and ended up rubbing his hair on my arm in order to communicate. He was like a little cat who practically purred while I rubbed oil in his hair and scalp. I see now this act is one that comforts him and reassures him he is loved and cherished. It took a while for him to allow himself to seek this but life has become so much better when his need for affection is filled.

So back to my sweet new facebook friend. I don't know what she will decide, but I pray that it is the right decision for everyone involved. I do want to be 100% honest and share with the world that older child adoption is no cakewalk, it cannot be and never will be. But, like childbirth and AP courses, like boot camp and maybe even tattoo's, it is truly worth every moment of the pain.

oh glorious day...

2011-04-20T10:44:00.006-04:00

Hello and a blessed holy week Irishopian readers. The countdown is on for Easter, or Fasika, as it is called in Amharic. I was reflecting last night about the past 36 days of Lent and I began to think about how alike our adoption and Lent really are. So stick with me as I have decided to share my thoughts. Here goes...

Lent is a time of suffering, (at least it should be.) We suffer through our lack of coffee, chocolate, etc., for a purpose. Lent is also a true time of longing for one glorious day. It is a time of reflection and a time to work on improving things. It is a time of weeding out what is not healthy in our lives & without these weeds, seeing where our human habits often get in the way of the wonderful relationship that we could enjoying with our Saviour...

Older child adoption is also a time of suffering. No doubt about it. I am often criticised for sharing this, but I feel compelled to share it so that others may not only expect the rough times & be prepared, but also see that there is joy and hope. It just takes work to get to that point. Let me state right here that adoption is truly a WONDERFUL, TERRIFIC, INCREDIBLE thing but it is NOT easy, fairy-tale-like or joyful all of the time. Even bringing home Marin, who I now realize had one of the easiest adoption transitions ever in the history of the world, was no day at the park. She would scream and push things off tables just to see what we were going to do about it. She had to. She didn't trust that we would love her enough to keep her and our poor baby was naturally afraid to attach for awhile. But eventually, with a lot of hard work, Marin overcame that fear. Now our girl is just about the most affectionate child I know. She is kind and sweet and happy and loving and wants to please like no other child in this house... but it took some time. It had to.

Being almost 9 and 11, the boys have given me many days of longing for one glorious day. The boys have days that cause me to feel a huge, tight fist of anxiety in my chest and mental anguish from worry. Thankfully though, they are giving me more and more days of joy and true peace-of-mind. Phew. That glorious day will come. It is, like Easter, inevitable and so we have hope... I see our boys taking major steps towards trusting and even loving us. They are beginning to feel safe and understand the rules. They are beginning to feel like they belong. We still have days where it is "us vs them" but they are further and further apart. We have all had to re-evaluate human habits that work against building a relationship. We are weeding out the old and we are forging a new family relationship, one that is also based on love. This love cannot be the perfect love of our Saviour, but, it is still a healing and beautiful love.

So, just like Lent, we endure suffering and pain with this adoption. But now as we near the day where we will gorge on candy and sweets and celebrate the rising of a Saviour who has redeemed us all, we begin to see a light at the end of a very long and scary tunnel. Thank you Jesus!

Realizations

2011-04-11T13:42:00.004-04:00

Not because I have 8 children, but, because I have 8 children and I am who I am, I have come to accept the following facts:

I will never have nice nails. Nope, I just won't.

I will never have enough milk or honey buns in the house.

I will never spend enough cuddle time with my Jack Russell puppy, Tofu.

I will never brush out the fur of our Golden Retriever, Martha, often enough.

I will never get enough sleep. Never.

I will never NOT have a to-do list.

I will never be a once a day blogger. I would love to, but it won't happen. More power to those of you who can.

I will never get through all the books I want to read or movies I want to watch. Bummer.

I will never lose enough weight. I chalk it up to being too content with who I am. Not sure if that is a bad or good thing?

I will never quite be understood by many. That is okay.

I will never be bored or lonely. At least not in the foreseeable future.

I will never be able to tolerate stinkbugs. Ugh, they are just so darn gross.

I will never have a clean car. I don't really care.

I will never take my relationship with my precious hubby for granted.

I will never not have split ends. Blame the curling iron, I do.

I will never cease to be amazed at my 8 incredible children or the size of my grocery bills.

Stepping out again

2011-03-25T16:44:00.011-04:00

I trust. In my life trusting God has never, ever steered me wrong. Trusting my own instincts and desires has totally messed me up. Many times. So, I have learned the hard way, through countless stupid listening-to-me mistakes, that I always need to listen to Him. Listening to God can be hard. I often don't want to hear the things He is asking of me. Sometimes He asks for me to step outside of my comfort zone and do what looks to me like the impossible. Just 2 years ago He asked me to raise money for a well project, a hospital, an orphanage, to help put orphaned children through school and many other efforts. "Raise money and use it to help in Ethiopia. I know things are bad economically but trust me and try" is kinda what I heard. Thankfully He gave me a partner in my dear bff, Kathi, who had been given the same challenge. So we trusted. And we started with a goal of $5000. "Aim higher" He told us. So we did. We aimed for $10,000. "More" He said, "I can do more".
So we listened and trusted and He did more. He floored us & no doubt He floored all those who know Kathi and me. We are a couple of stay-at-home-moms just trying to stay on top of laundry and get to soccer on time! We've done a lot of fundraising for organizations in our area but were we really qualified for this kind of stuff?! What we learned through that year of hard work was that God does not ask to see your qualifications. He knows them already and He is only asking of you what He knows you can do.
Soooo, He has done it again. But, He has asked us to organize a medical mission this time. K&K's Journey of Compassion has become a Mission of Mercy. It seems huge, but He will make it happen. God is ready to show us the amazing things He can do if we just agree to trust! He has already shown us how big He wants this mission to be. We didn't expect doctors to be able to stay away from their practices for long. We thought a week might be the best we could hope for, but Ha! the joke was on us - so far those who have committed are saying that they would like to make it a 2 week trip. Think of how many more people we will be able to help with a trip double the length of what we had started planning! The World Health Organization's facts say that there are 3 doctors for every 100,000 people in all of Ethiopia. Others tell me that this is a high estimate, they believe it is actually more like 1 doctor for every 48,000 people. That is a pretty busy practice if you are a doctor! I imagine that most of the doctors in Ethiopia are in Addis Ababa, so if you live in the villages outside of Ethiopia's capital, you could grow up NEVER even seeing a doctor.
I, for one, can't imagine my babies never getting vaccinations, medicines when they are sick, treatments when they need them, surgeries when necessary. My 5 bio children alone have required 8 surgeries so far and the good Lord knows that my 3 adopted children have needed major, major medical treatments to combat the effects of parasites and malnourishment, as well as 1 tonsillectomy.
Doesn't everyone deserve basic medical care? I believe so. I believe that God wants to heal and help the hurting through this medical mission.
All are welcome to join us so let me know if you are interested! We will be leaving June 17, 2012 and I promise, it is gonna be incredible! So get ready Irishopian readers. Get ready for God to do great things. Get ready for 15 months of planning, fundraising and watching the great physician do what He does best. Please, pray for us that we listen to Him and do His will. Please pray that He moves mountains and makes this medical mission nothing short of miraculous!

it's all good...

2011-03-23T12:11:00.013-04:00

A few changes have taken place here at Irishopian with the addition of 2 new sons:

We have new pets.

The old pets have more kids to play with and need more naps.

I've gotten less particular about what the kids wear.

The laundry baskets constantly overflow with both clean and dirty laundry.

Dr Atkins has taken over my kitchen.

I literally buy pounds and pounds of bananas each week.

I find scraps of paper with words in Amharic all over the house.

Rory has decided to audition for Masterpiece Theater.

Happy 3 year anniversary Marin!!!!

2011-03-15T15:50:00.008-04:00

On this day 3 years ago our little Ethiopian peanut, Marin Tigisty, arrived home. How much she has grown, flourished and changed. How much she has changed us! Adding a new child to your family is never easy, but it is so worth every worry or feeling of frustration. We love our baby girl so much and feel so blessed that she is a part of our family!
These photos have been floating around for 3 years and today we finally scanned them into the computer. I look a mess, kinda like I have been on a plane for 17 hours, so excuse that. I really wanted to share these because the transformation of our girl from frightened, tiny, malnourished baby to her current status of out-going, healthy, model, who eats like a horse, is unbelievable! When she arrived home she was so small compared to Kieran. Now she towers over him! She has grown by over 18 inches and doubled her weight! Looking back at the teeny tiny baby she was is almost unbelievable for me... See for yourself... (sorry if the pics are a bit skewy, for some reason I can't get them to line up...)
*In a picture of some of the kids taken while they were waiting for us to arrive, you can see what Rory got up to while we were in Africa. He chopped his bangs off... nice, eh?

compliments, oh the irony...

2011-03-10T10:30:00.007-05:00

Before everything hit the fan Tuesday evening I had explained to the 5 youngest kids that Wednesday was Ash Wednesday. We talked about Lent, why we try to sacrifice during Lent, Jesus' sacrifice for us, etc,. Fitsum even explained to Besu in Amharic what we were saying, something he will rarely do these days... They all knew that in order for us to get to Mass the following day, we would have to get up and leave the house 2 hours early. The payoff (aside from the spiritual benefits that I am sure they were all focused on!) was that after Mass we would go to McDonald's for breakfast before I dropped them to school.

Wednesday dawned & despite the poop hanging out there from Tuesday's fiasco, we did it. Everyone made it out the door and to a tiny, nearby Monastery for Mass at 7:15. The kids were mostly happy, except for one of the new sons who had been busted trying to climb out a window late Tuesday night... (yeah, I know, it's another issue we are now dealing with...)

This Monastery is such an oasis of peace and beauty. It is also such a phenomenal place for feeling truly close to the Lord. 4 of the 5 kids were feeling it, you could tell. They were so good at Mass and loved the nuns singing from behind their cloister. They saw one of their teachers at Mass and they all really prayed. It was sweet.

So, as promised, after Mass we headed off to Mickey D's, me with my Atkin's bar and the 5 kids excited to finally get those pancakes!

Things went well. You probably know that events like this could go either way with 5 kids between 11 - 7... Being pushed for time and being so hungry the kids could have gone nuts....

Instead, they were perfect. They shared, said all their pleases and thank yous, offered to help each other with opening and cutting and fetching of napkins and straws. I was so proud of them. Just as we were cleaning up to head out, a man sitting next to us, who had tons of files and contracts and paperwork spread out around him, cleared his throat and said "excuse me?" I thought he might ask me if I do day care or did we adopt, you know, questions I get all the time... But, he said, "I just want to tell you that your children are so well behaved and kind to each other. Many children could learn a lot from them."

I thanked him for saying so though I couldn't help but think, "you should stop by the house sometime buddy..."

empty glasses...

2011-03-08T18:15:00.008-05:00

I just have to say it. Right now, at this particular moment, I hate my life.

I know that sounds horrible and I am trying not to feel this way, but I can't help it. We have had 2 straight days of fighting nonstop. 2 days? "Big deal" you say? But this is not just 'here and there' type stuff, this is NONSTOP. Truly, 5 minutes does not go by where someone isn't coming inside crying or complaining about something someone has done to them. Usually this also involves the guilty party who vehemently denies any part in said trouble...

Tonight I re-arranged Heaven and Earth to find a way to get these guys to our church's pancake supper. So after another day of nonstop fighting I tell everyone to get in the car. By the time I am heading out the door the horn is blaring and there is screaming and crying from within the car. Besu won't get into the car because he won't ride in the back seat, Marin gets pushed by Kieran and she retaliates by spitting in his eye. More screaming ensues and this Mother-of-the-year candidate loses it and sends the 6 youngest to their beds.

As I make my rounds calmly explaining to each child just what has led to this punishment I get mentally sucker punched by Seamus. He tells me what I already know but haven't wanted to admit to myself: "we didn't have all this fighting before the boys got here".

Yep, it's true. We didn't have all this fighting and pain to deal with. We didn't have the stealing of the remote control and fights over seats in the car. We didn't have hitting or sticking out of tongues. We didn't have anyone calling anyone else "girl" (I know right, what an insult!) or "baby". We didn't have anyone that sulked around all day long because they were corrected for a minor thing, (in a loving way I might add!) Life was very much easier, not perfect mind you, but much easier.

Some days lately I think "Oh dear God, why? Why did you ask this of us and why did we do it?!"

But then, after a moment of decompressing, a deep breath, a quick prayer, it hits me. This too shall pass. It will. This is a season. A painful and stressful season, but a necessary season. I believe with all my heart and soul that we are being strengthened. Somehow, through all this horribleness, all this frustration, all this fighting, we will come out better for these trials.

A good friend sent me the article that some of you may have seen in February's Good Housekeeping Magazine by Melissa Fay Greene. Entitled Love Medicine, this article has helped me to realize that we are going to be alright. It shares the stories of 2 families who adopted and regretted it. Their kids were tough cases, one older adoptee even tried to drown his little brother. I can honestly share that their feelings of "what have I done" and regret seem to be normal according to so many who have shared with and supported me. The article thankfully ends happily, both families found ways to make things work and now a couple of years in everyone is settled and happy. That will be us. I know it will.

You know, maybe my glass is half full after all? Well, maybe a quarter full...

2 more = all 8

2011-03-07T10:00:00.005-05:00

Reece
Intelligent beyond words,
kind,
sure of himself,
role model to his brothers,
able to do impressions and accents,
can make me laugh so hard I cry,
loyal,
great public speaker,
good actor,
makes amazing Snickerdoodles,
loves U2, the Police & lots of great music,
wants to be a physicist at Cal Tech.

Finlay
morally strong,
maternal with her siblings,
messy, oh so messy,
spoiled,
understands the needs of the world,
spiritual,
loves her youth group,
funny,
loves to laugh,
wants to major in Early Childhood Education &
minor in History,
plans to teach kindergarten.

So there you have 'em. The great 8. We love them all so much and are truly blessed to parent each and every one. Why would we have 8 kids? Omgosh, look what we would have missed out on if we did not!

here are the next 3 kiddies

2011-03-05T16:49:00.004-05:00

Rory
Goofy,
can be hysterically funny,
shy,
sensitive,
smart,
had speech therapy for years,
has had 4 eye surgeries,
looked like Harry Potter when he was younger,
in love with being in love,
wishes someone would take him fishing,
wants to marry young, drive a truck, fix up an old house & have a bunch of kids.

Fitsum
Driven,
clever,
melts my heart in a unique way,
kind,
soccer star,
eager to please,
likes strawberries, pizza, chicken nuggets and ice cream,
is fascinated by the moon,
hopes to be a scientist.

Seamus
Hormonal,
struggling,
challenging,
super intelligent,
compassionate like no other,
trusting,
voracious reader,
looks up to his older siblings,
can be a great friend,
has no idea what he wants to do in life,
tosses around the priesthood, archeology, being a missionary,
will be a great man.

In case you don't know...

2011-03-04T13:12:00.002-05:00

just how amazing my babies are I am going to load 'em up, a few at a time, to share w/you... Here are the youngest 3:

Marin Tigist
Kind,
sweet,
thoughtful,
sensitive,
affectionate,
loves to laugh,
loves her big sister,
loves her momma,
eats like no one we have ever seen,
must have a hollow leg,
can wear anything and make it look good,
prays every morning that she will be moved to the top reading group.

Kieran
Easiest baby ever born,
super smart,
spunky,
charming,
determined,
is sure he can do anything,
spiritual,
loud,
has a perfect smattering of freckles on his nose,
would wear only blue or red if he could,
wants to be a dog trainer, professional soccer player and own a smoothie store.

Besufikad Brennan
Growing,
stubborn,
adapting as well as he can,
laughs nonstop when he is happy,
eats like a horse when he is happy,
tells me each day "today I will eat 1 million bananas",
athletic,
talented,
vulnerable,
beginning to trust,
loves his momma 85% of the time,
is a blessing to us.

routines = security? whoa...

2011-02-24T16:38:00.014-05:00

We're settling into routines. Yikes. I used to see routine as a dirty word. For this girl, the one who loves spontaneity, the idea of routines seem boring, dull or blah. It conjured up images of old farts which I certainly never pictured myself being!

March 5th will be our 3 month home mark. 3 months since Fitsum and Besufikad stepped off an airplane, onto US soil & into their new lives. What a 3 months it has been too. A birthday, Christmas, New Years, multiple stool samples, x-rays, doctors appointments, a meeting with the Board of Ed, the boys 1st day of school, ESOL meetings, signing up for soccer, going to the Zoo with Amy, seeing the beach for the first time. Most of these are very "normal" events (stool samples aside) for all of us, but they have been HUGE events for our new sons. I know this has been tough, especially for one of our new sons, and I am so proud of them both. Despite the turmoil and changes they have been through, they have really been phenomenal in handling all that has been thrown at them...

Funny how life is so chaotic until it's not... One day this week I woke up and realized that we now have a bit of a rhythm going here. A comfortable repitition of events. Dare I say it? It looks like it might just be a routine. Oh yeah.

I get the oldest 3 out the door by 6:50. Then I get Marin up and toss her in the shower. My pumpkin looks like a beautiful Buckwheat most mornings and usually needs a conditioner in her hair. While Marin is in getting her hair wet I run down to the boys room (Fitsum, Rory and Besu's room) and try waking them up. This takes some doing because 2 of these 3 haven't gotten the go-to-sleep part of the day down yet. As they lay there ignoring me I often "play" the boys a song on a little guitar that is usually in their room. Their favorite song is my Froot Loop song which changes a bit each time I perform it. I am no Idol contender so they like my "wake up songs" for their shear awfulness and absurdity. Thankfully the terrible singing and guitar playing usually gets them out of bed. I dash back down the hall to make sure Kieran is up and then I go in to finish Marin's hair. Once everyone is up, Besu usually takes the longest to get ready, he seems to need a bit of time to himself in the mornings. As long as everyone is down in the kitchen by 8:10 we are golden. Then, after breakfast & vitamins have been doled out, I work on lunches, thankfully, most often with Jessika's help. Lunches are different for everyone. I cater to them because I want them to eat what they take. **Have you ever seen what gets thrown away each day in a school cafeteria? It's criminal quite frankly...** Anyhow, we usually make 1 bagel toasted with honey, 1 dry ham sandwich, a 1/2 peanut butter sandwich & 1 PB&J. Rory will not take a sandwich, he just eats extra fruits or veggies. We usually wash 1 apple, cut 1 kiwi, begin the peeling of 4 - 5 clementines and pack 2 bananas. We usually pack 2 - 3 bags of chips, pack 1 peanut butter crackers, 1 - 2 honey buns and a pudding. 1 son likes capri suns and 1 takes water but the other 3 buy milk at school. Next we check to be sure that all books, folders, homework, etc., are in the bookbags and then since we tend to still have 5 - 10 minutes all the kids go out and ride their bikes.

We get into the car by 8:48 and head off to school. I have mentioned before about us pulling the kids from our local Catholic school and placing them in the public schools we are zoned for. Afraid that they would not get enough prayer I started the year praying with them on the way to school. (The car has always been a great prayer place for us!) The kids love it. Well at least Marin, Kieran and Rory do. They will share a petition that they have and will thank God for a blessing in their life. It can be quite humorous but it also sometimes shocks me with how deeply moved by life my kids are when they pray for certain things. We then pray some standard prayers and, wa-la, we have reached school. Fitsum and Besu have been driving with us since they arrived home in Dec. so they have witnessed this "community" prayer but have never wanted to join in. Until 10 days ago when Besu began. He prays in the sweetest way. He would say "my blessing is mom and dad". He would also add "thank you Jesus" so quietly yet somehow so boldly that the first day it moved me to tears. Fitsum still says no but that is okay. It might come in time.

There are other habits with homework and snacks and playing that I see becoming routines. I see these routines making both boys more confident. Helping them to feel more secure. Helping them, & in turn, all of us, to settle in just that bit more each day... And happiness and peace my friends is a routine I think I can live with...

1st time seeing the sea...

2011-02-22T13:29:00.009-05:00

We took the family to the beach this weekend. Finlay and Reece had a rare 4 day weekend and the others had a 3 day weekend. Since it now takes 2 cars to fit our family, we decided that I would leave early on Friday with the high-schoolers and David would grab the other 6 after school and follow us down. (Finlay has her learners permit, so she drove a lot on the way down. I must admit, I am pretty nervous having her behind the wheel... poor girl. By the time the younger kids have their learners I will probably be laid back enough to bring a book and a pillow, but for now I am a bit of a freak-a-zoid.)
Nags Head was a beautiful 75 degrees when we arrived on Friday. Even though it was dark by the time David and the rest of the crew arrived it was still gorgeous out, warm and still with peaceful waves and a low tide. I had been dying to see the reactions of the boys when they first saw the beach but it was too dark to see their faces. It was obvious though that they were surprised by what they could see. Besu bent down to swipe the sand. He used his finger to make a big X and he gasped as he did so. He was so intrigued by the texture of the sand. Fitsum turned to me and asked "Mom, big water?" I tried to explain that it went all the way to Europe and Africa. He was amazed. The first time they saw fishing boats and Pelicans on Saturday was so exciting too. (Getting to witness all the "firsts" with these older boys is just the best!) The weather didn't hold all weekend. It got a bit colder Saturday and significantly colder again on Sunday all with really strong winds that whipped up the waves. The boys didn't care - they just wanted to be out on the beach digging all day! Here are some shots of them. I needed post placement photos for their 3 month report and Marin's 3 year report so if it looks like I was favoring the Ethiopians in the photos, I totally was!

A new, older, perspective

2011-02-14T09:21:00.007-05:00

Saturday night was our monthly youth night. Many nights around here involve youth group activities, but once a month the youth group does something at the local Catholic school and encourages everyone to attend. Attendance is never as good as it should be, which is sad. Not sure why our area is so lame? Our youth group is honestly awesome. Led by the incredible Ms T, the kids who are heavily involved just stand head and shoulders above most kids their age. They are kids who actively serve the community and who have their priorities straight. They always have a great time while building beautiful relationships with the Lord. I get to help out a good bit and I just really, really love every one of those kids!
Anyhow, back to this month's youth night... I always look forward to this night. All 8 of our kids do. Even Fitsum and Besu. Fitsum calls it "the drum church" because the music is loud & rocking & our boy, who longs to play the drums, had a chance to try them out after Mass last month. Since our youth group encompasses youth from at least 4 churches we are blessed to have any number of fabulous priests say the monthly Mass. We have some great priests around here too. They all love the kids and relate well to them. So I was looking forward to one of our younger, on-fire, priests being there. Now I do not want to sound unkind and, if you read the rest of my post, you will see I learned a lesson, but, I was a bit bummed to see an older, much older, local priest there as we walked in. This priest is in his 80's and has been a priest for 52 years. He was the very first priest to come out of his parish many years ago even though he had been denied the chance to be an alter server because he is black. He actually looks a lot like Uncle Ben on the rice box, although he has a white beard. He is very hard of hearing & often loses his place at Mass, but all in all, he is sharp and he doesn't forget a face...
We sat down, me disappointed about not having a younger priest. Then Mass began and in the opening prayer Father P. warned us that the Lord was going to challenge us in this weeks Gospel. And challenge me he did. This weeks Gospel was full of words that I have heard many times, these words to be exact:

Jesus said to his disciples:
“Do not think that I have come to abolish the law or the prophets.
I have come not to abolish but to fulfill.
Amen, I say to you, until heaven and earth pass away,
not the smallest letter or the smallest part of a letter
will pass from the law,
until all things have taken place.
Therefore, whoever breaks one of the least of these commandments
and teaches others to do so
will be called least in the kingdom of heaven.
But whoever obeys and teaches these commandments
will be called greatest in the kingdom of heaven.
I tell you, unless your righteousness surpasses
that of the scribes and Pharisees,
you will not enter the kingdom of heaven.

“You have heard that it was said to your ancestors,
You shall not kill; and whoever kills will be liable to judgment.
But I say to you,
whoever is angry with brother
will be liable to judgment;
and whoever says to brother, ‘Raqa,’
will be answerable to the Sanhedrin;
and whoever says, ‘You fool,’
will be liable to fiery Gehenna.
Therefore, if you bring your gift to the altar,
and there recall that your brother
has anything against you,
leave your gift there at the altar,
go first and be reconciled with your brother,
and then come and offer your gift.
Settle with your opponent quickly while on the way to court.
Otherwise your opponent will hand you over to the judge,
and the judge will hand you over to the guard,
and you will be thrown into prison.
Amen, I say to you,
you will not be released until you have paid the last penny.

“You have heard that it was said,
You shall not commit adultery.
But I say to you,
everyone who looks at a woman with lust
has already committed adultery with her in his heart.
If your right eye causes you to sin,
tear it out and throw it away.
It is better for you to lose one of your members
than to have your whole body thrown into Gehenna.
And if your right hand causes you to sin,
cut it off and throw it away.
It is better for you to lose one of your members
than to have your whole body go into Gehenna.

“It was also said,
Whoever divorces his wife must give her a bill of divorce.
But I say to you,
whoever divorces his wife - unless the marriage is unlawful -
causes her to commit adultery,
and whoever marries a divorced woman commits adultery.

“Again you have heard that it was said to your ancestors,
Do not take a false oath,
but make good to the Lord all that you vow.
But I say to you, do not swear at all;
not by heaven, for it is God’s throne;
nor by the earth, for it is his footstool;
nor by Jerusalem, for it is the city of the great King.
Do not swear by your head,
for you cannot make a single hair white or black.
Let your ‘Yes’ mean ‘Yes,' and your ‘No’ mean ‘No.’
Anything more is from the evil one.”

Father P. then spoke to all of us about what these words truly meant. In his animated, theatrical way he spoke of how we cannot swear, it does no good. We cannot carry anger, it is poison. We cannot be forgiven by our God, the God who saves, UNLESS we forgive those who have wronged us. He asked us, "if you were at a cliff looking down and you suddenly slipped and fell what would you be thinking on the way down, where you would surely meet your death"?
Honestly, I thought to myself that I would probably just scream and likely shout "God help me"... but that won't do us any good according to Father P. No one could help you at that point. Instead, what we should be doing is forgiving each person who has wronged us. Seem strange? Shouldn't we be begging God for forgiveness of our own sins in those last moments? No, says Father. For if we do not forgive others our God will not forgive us, just like this Gospel says...
I don't know about you, but there are a couple of situations in my life where I hold some grudges. One in particular was a horrible situation that rippled out of control and tore our community apart. Knowing I would lose friends I stood up for what I know was right. And it cost me. In many, many ways. I have carried a hate around for someone involved in that for years now. Years. And I justified it. Because I know I did the right thing, I justified hating the person involved who will not let it go. But my eyes have been opened. For although I have always known that hate is wrong, I never thought about it costing me my place in Heaven. I know that in my situation I cannot go up to this person and tell them that I forgive them, so I have now done it alone & until I really feel it, I will say it out loud every single day. This isn't easy for me. Letting go of an anger I actually almost liked is hard. But, it has to be done.
So I want to thank dear old Father P for his words of wisdom and thank God for allowing me to truly hear what He has been trying to tell me for years. I also want to thank God for reminding me that sometimes it takes an old dog to teach us new tricks...
Have a blessed day friends.

A painful grief cleanse

2011-02-08T09:50:00.004-05:00

After a 3 day respite from grumpiness, misery and plain old grief, it's back. With a vengeance too. From the moment this son woke up yesterday I knew we were in for it. This funk that he slips into steals his joy. It will not allow him to feel any happiness or love. It robs him of the life he is meant to have. But, it is part of the terribly painful process that he must go through.
The funk is like one of those cleanses. You know when people take certain supplements combined with lemon juice, cayenne pepper and vinegar and basically poop out all the toxins in their system? Well, this son has to detoxify his grief. Instead of a 21 day cleanse, his is a random cleanse. It shows up when it wants, makes his life horrible, and then just as suddenly, it leaves again. The process reminds me of the biblical passage "like gold that's tested in fire". In order to strengthen you must submit to pain. Precious son must purge himself of this pain to eventually be free of it.
I must constantly remind myself of the need for his emotional cleansing, the need for the testing he must go through. It seems it is the only way we will all get to the healthy relationships we are looking for. The really heartbreaking part of his funky grief is his obvious feelings of having no control over his life. None whatsoever.
When the funk shows up his pain is so tangible that it kills me. No doubt it kills him too. He must feel so helpless. Everything he once believed to be true, safe and HIS is gone. His life has gone downhill and he has hit rock bottom. His answer is to take control in ways that unfortunately make the situation worse. He stops eating.
A year ago when I met this son there was a true connection. Whether it was to my travel companion Amy, or me, I don't honestly know, but, he loved us like we both loved him. Upon arriving home I was able to keep in touch with the director of the boys orphanage via email. One of the first things she told me was that this son was so sad to see us go that he wouldn't eat for a day. At the time it seemed like such a touching thing to hear. How sweet someone would care enough about me that they would rather cry then eat. I know, it seems very selfish and pathetic.
Then it seemed to confirm for me that this boy needed me & my family. Now, this lack of eating when he is sad, it is a whole different ball game. It frightens me. If you have ever met me then you know that to skip a meal for any reason seems impossible. Watching my 62 pound son do it makes me physically sick. Last night he refused dinner so I made him eat some fruit. We got a banana in him. This morning for breakfast he refused to eat his normal Froot Loops or bagel. He finally ate another banana. Packing his lunch was a nightmare. Guess what he took? 2 points for you if you guessed a banana. I made him take something else so he allowed me to put some cookies in his lunchbox. I won't be surprised when they come back home...
I guess as human beings we all need some control in our lives, especially when it feels to us that our life is spiraling out of control. It is so painful watching my boy feel so lost, so overwhelmed with grief and pain that he would purposely hurt himself even more. It is earth shatteringly awful to me as a mom to know that I can do nothing but wait it out and pray that the funk will go away again and stay away longer next time. But, that is what I will do. I will fall to my knees and beg God to help us both, help us ALL, through another bout of grief. That and go buy some more bananas.

Feeling lucky?

2011-02-07T11:25:00.003-05:00

David and I get comments all the time about having our hands full. Yep, they are pretty full. But, aren't everyone's? And truly, we wouldn't have it any other way. David and I were recently talking about how 8 kids feels like a lot more then 6. Not in a scary way, but in the normal way that each new child feels like more.
Do you remember bringing home your first baby? It seemed like so much work? You may have been the CEO of some amazing company, yet suddenly this 7 pound bundle had you grounded and exhausted. There was so much to figure out! Then for many of you, you brought home baby #2. #1 was jealous so you had that to deal with, plus the many needs of #2 had to be met. By baby #2 there is often a lot less outside help available, so more of it falls on you... It felt like so much to juggle. But you made it work. Eventually you began to sleep more and breath a bit easier and you realized that, wow, you could do this! And so it went.
Our first two babies were 17 months apart. Then #3 arrived 16 months later, #4 a couple of years after that & #5 arrived when the oldest turned 9... It was busy, but it was fun. I look back on it now as precious time & I miss those days. Finlay is learning to drive and is taking the SAT's. She is getting her college application together and looking for this summer's job. Reece is looking for a summer job too and is about to turn 15. All of them are getting so old too quickly! I realize how little time we have left to be sure we have molded them and taught them all the things they need to know...
Well, even though our new sons are 11 and 8, we are at the newborn stage with them. It's still the getting-to-know-them, trying to reassure-them-that-their-needs-will-be-met, showing them that they-will-always-be-loved stage. Like new babies we now have way more laundry, more trips to the store for supplies, more expenses. We are learning what they like and don't like, finding out how they react to situations and finding ways to communicate. There is even poop involved! (another story for another day) But, it isn't hard, it's just a matter of putting their needs before ours many times. I can do that and with the experience of the 6 before them I now realize that I am grateful for the chance. With each baby I gave birth to or brought home I have found there is a little more dying of self. Each one has helped me to learn to serve my family more lovingly. They have unknowingly taught me the meaning of what is true and important. Through meeting their needs I have seen myself transformed into a more patient & selfless person. That doesn't mean I always feel like stopping what I am doing to settle an argument. It rarely means that I go upstairs happily to get the boys back into bed once I think all of them are settled for the night either. I have been known to shout "aargh" rather loudly (& embarrasingly) far too often. But, make no mistake. Having 8 kids has made me a better person.
People often follow up on the "your hands must be full" comment with a "you are so great to do this" comment or tell us how lucky the boys are to have us. So let me set the record straight. We are the lucky ones. Really. Honest. Truly.

a break in the clouds...

2011-02-01T10:24:00.004-05:00

Your prayers. They are working. It hasn't been perfect, but we have had about 2 days of "good"... Can I get a whoop, whoop?!
Sunday morning started off rocky. Troubled son would not sit next to me at Mass. Actually, he would not even look at me. Back in the car Marin bumped into him and he raised his hand to slap her. He didn't do it but he wanted too and the look on his face was one of pure hatred and anger.
Once home I took him aside and asked "does Mommy hit you?" he shook his head no. "Does daddy hit you?" Again, no. I then told him that no one in this house should ever hit or be hit. I told him that we try to conquer our anger, hurt & fear with love and I reminded him that we truly, truly loved him very much.
David and I then took both boys for Ethiopian food. We had promised them last week that we would do this. We have had some amazing Ethiopian food a few times since the boys arrived home, but we had not yet taken the boys out to an Ethiopian restuarant. They loved it! They were so happy! The food, the language, the people, the music... it felt good to them, you could see it. After lunch we walked around what is a mostly Ethiopian strip mall. In a nearby store the boys wanted a CD and Ethopian scarves to wear. We also got some more Kolo, Mmmmm... They both joyfully sang to the new CD the whole way home! Anytime I looked back they were both beaming and singing. Thankfully, Sunday stayed great for everyone from that point!
Yesterday this son seemed to wake up happy and even came home from school in a wonderful mood! Yay! We sadly, ended up having one horrible incident last night where the bio son who clashes with him most got so annoyed with him that he hauled off and hit poor troubled son... ugh, 1 step forward and 2 back. The only silver lining here is that he saw us punish his brother and may then have realized that everyone will be punished for hitting... We thought this might set him back emotionally but it did not. Thank God! He happily went to bed and woke up very, very happy this morning.
I don't know what this afternoon will bring. It's anyone's guess. But, I want to share with you a sweet moment that I know is the result of your prayers. Before getting out of the car this morning at school he smiled a huge smile at me, looked me in the eyes and said "I love you". He then grabbed my hand and kissed me on the palm.
Ahhh, true perfection, if even for a moment!

Smooth sailing? I don't think so...

2011-01-29T20:32:00.002-05:00

You know my last post? It started with me saying my new son was like an onion, but not in a stinky way? Well, right now, the fact is he stinks. And being his new mom stinks. Patience is a virtue that I am running VERY low on with him.
Ugh.
Ugh.
Ugh.
He is full of anger and hurt and resentment and more anger and more hurt. And it affects everyone here. Most of this week he would not talk to me. Sadly, those times were some of the easiest moments with him. All day today he fought with the other kids. Truly nonstop. If someone asks him to stop doing something, or does something he doesn't like, he screams "no you baby" at them and when we go in to calm things down he always shouts "no mom, Rory" (or whoever he is fighting with), putting the blame on everyone but himself. It is like an old, scratched record that keeps saying that same line over and over... And. I. have. had. it. We have tried talking to him in pigeon Amharic about this and I honestly believe that he knows the gist of what we are saying. Still it just doesn't stop.
I was very proud of how we handled it all day today. David and I worked together to nip things in the bud. To calmly correct him. To help him understand and apologize. We must've said 8 - 10 times today that we need to stop calling others a baby... But then a few minutes ago when a show the kids were watching was over and they were changing it to Phineas and Ferb he starts shouting. As I quietly walk towards the room I hear Marin explaining "it was over" & just as I step in the room there he is, in Marin's face shouting "you baby". He looked up and knew he was busted. So I told him that we were not going to have anymore of this today and that he needed to go up to bed. Ahhhhh....
It's hard my friends. Bringing someone so broken into your home is truly hard. I promise that we are praying, but, I think we need to pray even more. I feel God telling me to fall back on Him. I pray that He will make this child whole, new and complete through us. I pray that we will be united in our efforts to heal and help this child & that this son will be able soon to control his anger and let us soothe his hurt in better ways.
One of our bio boys has struggled with anger issues off and on all of his life. Up until now, those episodes have been the hardest days of my life. So hard in fact that I will admit to asking God why. Why would He send this child to us? Now I truly feel that I know why. He had another child, even more difficult to handle, that He had chosen for us to parent. Our bio son was the way God would strengthen us. Through him He showed us a new way and taught us a new level of trust. Now He is upping the ante. Ugh. BUT we know God is faithful and will get us through these horrible days too.
I have been hesitating to share all of our ups and downs with our new boys on my blog. I feel bad because one son is always up, (a sweetheart who steers clear of his brother as he doesn't want to be associated with his behaviour) and one son is 98% down. I don't want to prejudice anyone against him. Or scare anyone who is already in the process or even considering older child adoption. People like to see our story as almost fairy tale like. Well friends, it is and it isn't. Life has fairy tale moments but it also has moments that make you scream.
I will continue to advocate for older child adoption, it IS a great thing but it is not always a bed of roses and the better prepared we parents are the better able we will be to help our children adjust. I want to share with you now the kind of statements that bring home how clueless people can be about how tough this often is... Last week someone we bumped into wanted to meet the new boys. I warned her that one son was not having a good day. She looked at me and said "but he has everything now, why would he be upset?" Hmmm. Maybe because he has lost his home, his surviving family, his language, his culture, his food, his weather, his security & so much more?
This behaviour is probably totally normal. I would be extremely unpleasant to live with if I had to go through the same heartaches, changes and culture shocks my 3 precious adopted children have gone through. How completely out of control this son must be feeling right now... I recently shared with a friend that no matter what I have made the decision to love my boys. Love is not a feeling for long. That feeling fades and then love becomes a decision. Just like a marriage, adoption is sometimes really, really hard. But, I can tell you that I am in it to win it. So keep us in your prayers my friends and be prepared for more downs than ups in the weeks to come on Irishopian. It could be a very bumpy ride!

bloomin' onion

2011-01-20T11:31:00.005-05:00

One of my new sons is like an onion. Not in a stinky way. Just in complexity. Oh, and he also can make me cry.
This son seems to have layer upon layer that I am trying to peel back. Some layers are really pleasant ones. Happy, easy and silly, ready to tackle each challenge with confidence & a smile. Other layers are not as pleasant. These layers are a fascinating blend of emotions and most of them are painful for him, me, or both of us. As his mom, I have had 6 weeks to try to figure this little guy out. But I haven't. With each layer that we peel we find the next non happy layer is a bit harder to deal with or for me to understand. Is this layer due to trauma? Is it just simply disrespect? If so, is the disrespect due to cultural differences or to this sons anger that his birth family is gone & that he finds himself suddenly with a new, very different family and life... If that is it then is it pure anger? Is it depression? Could my boy be truly depressed? He has to take a drug for latent TB exposure for 9 months and I read yesterday that this drug can have depression as a side effect. The doctor told me though that we have to finish this medicine no matter what...
Yesterday was a really bad day. Really bad. Said son wouldn't get out of bed. He laid there and said "No school, no get up." After a while I told him that he had to get up. He declined breakfast (I made him eat at least a banana). He got out of the car without looking at me or responding to me as I said goodbye and I love you and have a good day... Hours later, he got back in the car the same way. Ugh.
We stopped by the library to check out a book for Rory. Everyone was so excited as going the library is a real treat. Everyone ran in to do puzzles, color pictures, look at books. Not this guy. He sat on the floor and sulked. As the kids were entertaining themselves (& sulking) I decided to get Rory his own library card. Then, I figured that I would get both Fitsum and Besu library cards too. Genius. I thought it would help them feel a sense of belonging, responsibility & trust. So as the paperwork was being processed I go to get the boys to have them sign for their cards. This son was no longer sulking. He was gone. We looked all over the library & he was not there. Although most of the kids were panicked, I didn't get too frantic because I knew he probably wasn't going to go far. Sure enough I found him outside, sitting with his back up against the wall, sulking.
This went on and on all afternoon. Sulking. Or is it depression? Or disrespect or anger... I guess I need to keep peeling to be sure. Keep telling him that I love him. Keep promising him that he is with us forever. Keep sharing with him how we will always be here. Keep praying. And keep peeling...

school progress/MLK

2011-01-17T16:46:00.003-05:00

"Never, never be afraid to do what's right, especially if the well-being of a person or animal is at stake. Society's punishments are small compared to the wounds we inflict on our soul when we look the other way." MLK Jr

So things are plodding along here at Irishopian. We have one week of school under our belts and truly believe it was a great move for the boys. They have found comfort in the routine of school. They have found safety in knowing that they are loved and cherished as much as the others and will be given the same gift of an education. I know many think it is too soon, but I can really see how much happier they are! Our counties Board of Ed has been fabulous, working with us and allowing us to go with our gut instincts on placement and goals for this school year.

"Faith is taking the first step even when you can't see the whole staircase." MLK Jr.

Overall math is not a problem. Fitsum is a bit behind in 4th grade math. He should be able to do long division but he just doesn't have the times tables and in turn division down yet. Thinking about it, I guess there was just no one ever able to help him memorize his times tables. Here we are constantly giving all the kids times table drills to help reinforce their skills. So now we are making it fun (well, as fun as math can be!), and giving Fitsum 1 minute drills, etc,. He is such a smart cookie. Really, he is just super clever in a way that is rather impressive, so I know he will catch up on the math as long as we keep on it. Besu seems to be right on with his math, yippee!

"Like anybody, I would like to have a long life. Longevity has its place. But I'm not concerned about that now. I just want to do God's will." MLK Jr.

Reading is another story. Ugh. Fitsum can read in English. That being said, I can read Amharic, Spanish or even Irish. I know the rules for the sounds of these languages so I can usually read the words just like Fitsum can read most things in English. But, he doesn't know what in the heck he has just read... Besu cannot really even read in English at all. I must say I am working hard to be in the right frame of mind every afternoon now. If I am feeling grumpy or "off" homework will push me right over the edge!
My first grade twins always need some kind of help and now my new 2nd grader needs me to sit and read him stories and I am trying too to use his spelling list as an opportunity for a vocab lesson... that takes quite a while. Then 2 x's last week Fitsum brought home a 1 page story with questions on the back. Having him read it, me re-read it while explaining it and then trying to explain the questions, find the answers and write them down takes about 3 hours. It is exhausting for both of us! I do see the light bulb going off with Fitsum and I know that most of it sticks with him. Besu is going to be a constant attempt to "flood the basement" as his new teacher says. The idea is if we keep reading with Besu then he will eventually begin to understand and recognize words. Some of it will rise to the next level, thus the flooding of the basement...

“Life’s most persistent and urgent question is: ‘What are you doing for others?" MLK Jr.
An individual has not started living until he can rise above the narrow confines of his individualistic concerns to the broader concerns of all humanity." MLK Jr.
"What affects one in a major way, affects all in a minor way." MLK Jr.

So my afternoons, always busy, are now even crazier. But, it is good and I see it as an act of love. I have to see it that way or I would feel overwhelmed and resentful. I have to look at the big picture here. My boys will eventually do amazing in school, but this year is not going to be an honor roll type year. We will ALL work hard to flood the basements of these 2 precious minds and I would bet that by this time next year our own minds will be blown with the progress.

"We must rapidly begin the shift from a "thing-oriented" society to a "person-oriented" society. When machines and computers, profit motives and property rights are considered more important than people, the giant triplets of racism, materialism, and militarism are incapable of being conquered." MLK Jr.

So now I will wish all of you a happy Martin Luther King Jr day. I hope that you were able to enjoy this day & keep in mind the sacrifice a great man made so that a white mom & dad like us can love and raise a beautiful mixed race family safely and comfortably without fear of bigotry!

"If we do an eye for an eye and a tooth for a tooth, we will be a blind and toothless nation." MLK Jr.

2011-01-10T21:56:00.004-05:00

Nobody tells you it's gonna be easy. The funny thing is that it's not really too hard either... it's just more.
More food, more laundry, more talking, more laughter, more pain, more emotion. Even calm or joyful emotion is more emotion. One of my new sons is on an emotional roller coaster right now. Sometimes he is doing great, truly great. On those days we run around here happy as Larry. Other times he can be kind of grumpy. And then there are the other times. Those times when he reacts badly to something. Usually he gets upset over something silly and it tends to involve one particular brother. When I correct this son he folds up his scrawny, malnourished arms and will not speak to anyone for hours.
I am familiar with this nonsense. One of my bio boys has been like this for years. It is a cycle that I know how to handle and the same techniques are effective for this son too. But, again, it is more, and that is the hardest part. Now, please don't jump down my throat about calling the above "nonsense". I am patient, I am kind, I realize that a lot of this sons emotional upchucking is due to real pain and grief. But, I need to express my annoyance. It makes me feel a bit better. I need that today. Today has been one of those days where all is going well.... until, BOOM, it's not.
The boys started school this morning. Sending them to school this soon was not what we had planned to do. But seeing their hurt, confusion and quite frankly, boredom, when the others headed off to school, we decided to go talk to our counties Board of Ed. In Ethiopia school is a privilege. An honor. A gift. Sometimes families have to choose who among their children might benefit most from an education and allow that child to attend school. Sending even one child costs the family roughly $50 - $70 per year and families do NOT have enough money for even one child, let alone, 4, 5, 6 or more children. Sadly, I honestly believe that our boys felt as if they were loved but that they weren't valued enough to be sent to school... They wanted to be in school so bad! So when the Board were so wonderful, we decided to move forward, carefully.
This morning I took the boys in & got them settled into their class rooms. I came back and walked them through the lunch line, sat with them while they ate and saw them back off to their classes. They LOVED it. They were on a high when they got in the car at carpool. School is great they told me.
But apparently school is tiring. I think the excitement and mental stimulation pushed my roller-coaster-riding son to the brink tonight because when I got home from a late errand, I found bad news waiting for me. He had pushed the "one particular brother" down onto his bed and began to slap his face. "Particular son's" crime was crossing the room to the other side to get some nail clippers...
Needless to say, new son and I had a talk right away. A big talk. A mommy got very serious and kind of LOUD talk. And my new son went to bed crying, clutching a cherished photo of an Ethiopian family member to his chest as he rocked himself under his covers.
Sibling rivalry is normal here. Hitting, thankfully, is not. Integrating our new older sons is not easy & emotions run high now and again but I promise, it is still do-able and despite my need to vent, I go to bed a grateful mom... goodnight...

2011

2011-01-01T21:58:00.004-05:00

Happy new years everyone.... We had a very special new years eve with 22 kids hanging out til about 4 pm today. David and I were kept pretty busy between cooking snacks/brunch, making sure our younger ones weren't bothering the older kids and keeping an eye on everyone. We did find time to stop and squeeze each others hands throughout the crazy night, both of us feeling very grateful as we watched our once shy and quiet son "chat" with everyone & play Guitar Hero and our calm and independent son jump into the crowd and raise his voice excitedly as he counted down the final seconds of 2010!
I know I've been uncharacteristically quiet since we arrived home - sorry, there are a number of reasons for that. One of my reasons is that my mind has been blown with the adoption of our 2 new sons and there hasn't been enough down time to piece it back together yet.... I mean it was only this time last year that the countdown was on for our mission trip to Ethiopia. I knew God wanted us there but it seemed a bit daunting because He seemed to have a lot for us on His "to do" list! Being the disorganized SAHM that I am I figured I would (gonna use a bumper sticker cliche here) "let go and let God". I assumed He would lead me where He wanted us to go and oh boy, did He! Tentative plans would change throughout our trip because He clearly had a need for Amy and I at the Miskaye orphanage. We spent much more time there then we had anticipated but only now can I see that during our daily visits the Lord was filling MY need. The two boys who were to become our sons were knitted into my heart and my heart and soul ached for them once I returned to the US. It is only through our awesome God that my precious spouse opened his heart to two more children, 2 orphaned boys who I had somehow met on an unexpected side trip in our quest to bring water to Ethiopia. Now, in less time then it takes some people to finish a home study, we are a new family. A larger, stronger, more blessed family - richer for having Fitsum and Besufikad in it. And so we start 2011 with joy and love and parasites and doctor appointments, grateful for the blessings showered on us in 2010 & eager to see what this new year will bring.
God bless you all in this new year where truly, each day a brings an opportunity for goodness and grace. May we all be open to everything He wishes to bestow on us.

2010-12-28T21:21:00.006-05:00

Have I mentioned recently just how amazing adoption is? Not only does adoption set the lonely in families, thus fulfilling a need for everyone, but it brings so many people together. Some of my closest friends now are women I have met through this process. There is an instant bond with any other adoptive family that I meet and often I find an even closer bond forms among those of us who have children home from (or coming from) the same country. We have faced down the same fears, gone through the same emotions & cultural awakenings & fallen in love with the same people & country.
Today a new friend came over with her beautiful Ethiopian daughter who has been home just about 6 weeks. Kim and I had met once before and left messages back & forth on facebook but hanging out together today seemed to cement a new friendship. I hope we will get to spend loads more time together from here on out! *On another note, Kim did one of the most wonderful things for any new mother, she brought over dinner (for 10!) and it was fabulous Ethiopian food too! Thank you Kim!
Many people have asked me about how the boys did on Christmas. In short they did great. Christmas eve was tough for one of them. He got emotional during Mass and was sullen from there on out. He tends to get into these funks at the strangest times (that night I understood but in general you just never know the mood he will be in from hour to hour). We find that one of the boys seems much more adaptable in general. He seems to have been exposed to many "modern" ideas in Ethiopia like Santa, birthdays, gifts, etc,. Our other son wasn't exposed to these ideas and though I don't believe they affect him in a negative way, he just follows along kind of lost. So Christmas morning they both understood something big was afoot but this son just seemed both happy and unsure of why he was lucking out like this! Both of the boys got bikes from Santa and soccer goal nets. They also got Arsenal jerseys courtesy of an un-named Santa who has taken the boys under his wing. Of course, the jerseys were the biggest hit! I must get used to sporty children now...
Everyday I learn more and more about my boys and just never cease to be amazed at their intelligence, love and resilience. I wish more people knew this and were moved to bring home older children. Truly, they have so much to offer any family! Right now it is like our kids best friends have come to stay awhile, do you remember that feeling when you were young? All the kids just have so much fun being together!
Tonight they are having a sleepover in one room...
It's a good life friends and it keeps getting better. Merry Christmas!

revelations

2010-12-22T23:29:00.004-05:00

Every day I marvel at my new sons. They have handled so many changes so calmly and smoothly. It truly blows my mind. Really. It is NOT perfect. It can't be. But, it is going remarkably well. Thank you Lord.
On food: Fitsum cannot consume enough yogurt and will eat fruit til the cows (or as he says Oxen) come home. Besufekad eats everything you give him and usually has seconds. He has been the one that has finally accepted milk and has even mastered dunking cookies into it.
On daily routines: The boys get up, brush the enamel off their teeth (no kidding, they scrub those babies for a good 10 minutes each go around), get dressed, make their beds and come down for breakfast. They will go out and play or come in and watch tv if they are cold. They tell me when they want food (trying to teach them that I don't mind them going in & grabbing snacks if they are hungry - independence though comes very slowly to kids who have lived in orphanages for 14 months), they load their plates, etc., in the dishwasher & are happy to follow in step with whatever is going on around here. Their ease at fitting in amazes me.
Here are some observations on adopting older Ethiopian children:
*They wonder aloud if everyone black is Ethiopian. *They think you are ridiculous when you bang your toe and say "Ow, ow, ow" (Ow is the Amharic word for "yes") *They giggle at your attempts to pronounce Amharic words. *They seem to think that by batting their eyes and crying you will give in and promise them a bird for their birthday. (Okay, not all of them, just Besu who has "worked" David as well as the old master herself, Finlay. Now the countdown is on for April, when Besu gets his bday budgie) *They want love and reassurance that this is it, forever. *They will be sad and you have to just let the pain come and bite you with it's poison whenever it decides to show up (& it will decide to show up at the strangest times). *They will not be able to handle simple things that American kids their ages can though you know they are ultimately stronger then most kids their ages anywhere in the world. *They will make you thank God for the gift of adoption and that He has allowed them to be called your sons.

Pictures of our trip to the Blue Nile Gorge part 1

2010-12-19T11:48:00.005-05:00

Too much Christmas stuff to take care of for a long post, but here are a few pics of our recent trip to the Blue Nile Gorge in Ethiopia. Although the Blue Nile Gorge is sometimes called the Grand Canyon of Ethiopia I can honestly say that they are not that similar. You can tell that they were both created the same way many, many years ago but they are very different in appearance... See for yourself:

The brownish water in picture #3 is THE NILE RIVER! Wow. I think that is just too cool. The source of the Nile is in Ethiopia at Lake Tana. We didn't travel that far - getting here took 5 hours! The boys and Finlay were pretty unimpressed during a lot of the drive (thank God for iPods) but there were many points where they would get excited. Like when we saw Baboons. That was cool. There were bunches of them and 2 had tiny babies sitting near them. As soon as they saw us paying attention to them they snatched their babies up and climbed high into the trees.

(click on these to really see the baboons)

pics of Addis & attitudes & issues in the US

2010-12-17T20:10:00.010-05:00

Some pics of us in Addis - here is Finlay's 1st day with her new brothers!

There is a lot happening here at our Irishopian home. Thankfully the boys are doing pretty well. They have a number of health issues, nothing contagious or hazardous to anyone else, but still pretty serious for them and clearly hindering their growth.. We continue to learn more as more results come back. It just drives home how blessed we are in the US to never have to worry about contaminated water... It took months for Marin to be rid of the parasites that she had injested through unclean water. Almost 9 months I believe... she didn't grow much while we fought the parasites but once we had finally beaten them she took off! I hope and pray that happens with these boys. One of them is dealing with a much stronger case of parasites, actually a number of different kinds of parasites. He is the one that was just labeled with "failure to thrive" last week, so beating these nasty parasites is crucial.

We are also dealing with some loyalty issues I believe. One of the boys has a connection to much of his family in Ethiopia and though he is extremely pleasant all of the time he is not really connecting with us. This has to be so hard for him... I don't ever want him to feel as if he has to replace the family he left behind but I hope and pray he connects with us at some point. It is not an attachment issue, he knows how to attach. I believe it is a fear. A fear of allowing us to take over certain spots in his heart that are already filled... He is so precious, saying "I love you too" when I tell him that I love him. But it is polite, automatic, not said because he just loves us so much. Said because he knows it is the right thing to say. He truly is a smart little guy, I know that he will go so far some day.

Our other son is being much more honest with his feelings. He seems to truly love us but I can also see him trying to figure out his place in this big family. He comes from a very small family and, though he had a very tough life and then spent 14 months in the orphanage, he does not like to share nor does he want to have to give in and do what the majority want to do. He gets so mad if he cannot watch either Tom and Jerry or English Football (soccer). I don't know exactly what he took 'in' but I sat him down yesterday and explained to him that he is not the only child in the family and that he cannot always have his way. He had gotten to the point where he would sit there repeating "Tom and Jerry, Tom and Jerry, Tom and Jerry" over and over if the other kids voted to change the channel. Whew, Diva...

Finlay, Fitz & Besu's 1st trip out of Addis Ababa - I took them out to the Blue Nile Gorge - a long drive but a great day... those are peppercorns in our hands, they were growing on a tree just outside of this beautiful Orthodox church.

The other kids are doing pretty good. Alliances are forming all the time. Fitz and Seamus really like to hang out together but Besu and Seamus have had a few little issues. Besu and Fitz love Marin, they seem to connect with her though they cannot really talk. The 1st day home they cornered her and started jabbering to her in Amharic. She started calling "help, help mommy, I can't understand a word that they are saying"! We were cracking up at our poor girl. (She had only heard Amharic for 3 months in the orphanage as they spoke a different dialect in her region & she didn't retain anything.) Both of the boys seem to look up to Reece and Finlay and play with Rory & Kieran, though not as much. They LOVE the 2 dogs and will lay next to them for hours stroking them and talking softly to them.

I am tired. I have been snowed in for 2 days and am going a bit stir crazy. I have much last minute Christmas shopping to do and another box of Christmas cards to buy and write. I feel like I am feeding an army these days and have the dishes and filthy kitchen to prove it. I must be completely honest, adoption isn't easy my friends, it is messy & full of unusual bugs/illnesses/poop, but it IS amazing & wonderful & we feel blessed! I know that this time next year we will have 2 healthy, well adjusted boys as Christmas rolls around! That alone is enough to make me thankful...

1 week in w/8 kids at home

2010-12-13T19:54:00.007-05:00

Whoa, I guess I have gotta admit that being the mom I need to be to 8 kids ages 16, 14, 12, 11, 9, 8, 7 & 7 is taking a lot out of me! I am surprising myself with my patience but I am pretty whooped each day by 8 PM... I know that our Lord gives us extra strength when we need it & I am feeling extra reserves to draw on (thankfully), but I am also feeling the weight of the addition of our boys now. It's like finding the ability to get up in the middle of the night with a new baby in some ways. It is exhausting but yet, you can do it and you DO do it...

Things are still going great. The boys are becoming more and more relaxed and the grieving is happening a LOT less often. We traveled to a neighboring state this past weekend to meet with the nicest Ethiopian couple. They have been in the states 14 years and they helped us communicate with the boys. We were able to explain many things to Fitz and Besu. Like why we had to take poop samples. (They must have thought their new mom was completely nuts when I told them I needed "Caca"!) They were able to explain why we needed to do so many blood tests and that they would have to be treated with some nasty tasting medicines. This couple also explained that this cold weather is not year round to which the boys breathed huge sighs of relief! They explained to the boys that there are many cultural differences and that American parents want you to share how you feel with them. Apparently it is very common in Ethiopia to follow the old adage that children should be seen and not heard and our boys were sure it was disrespectful to share their fears, dislikes, concerns with us. Phew, I am so glad that they now know they can and should share their feelings with us!
Here is our 1st official expanded family portrait. Fitz and Besu look so tiny here... Found out tonight that both are positive for parasites and 1 will also need meds for 9 months to be sure a latent exposure to TB never becomes an issue. I will be so glad to get them healthy! They are amazing boys who floor me with their intelligence, humor and love. Every night there is at least a one hour Nerf battle among the 6 boys and the laughter is beautiful to hear. Poor little guys, the day's are the hardest with the others off in school, they are so bored! I am realizing that they will be much happier when they are in school during the day...
Okay, social worker arrives at 9 AM tomorrow so I most get some sleep. Thank for keeping track of us and for the prayers and many, many comments. It means so much to have your love and support friends!

So far so good

2010-12-09T10:39:00.004-05:00

It's Day 5 of our expanded Irishopian family being under one roof. Yep, it's been 4 nights/5 days since Fitz and Besu landed on American soil. Wow.
All is going well. The 8 kids are meshing and hanging out and really hitting it off. Every afternoon when the 6 arrive home from school there are little lovefests taking place. It is sweet for a mom to witness, especially since I know that one day, all too soon, that hugging/kissing/saying of each others names will wear off and arriving home will be no big deal again...
Sleeping arrangements are going great, bathroom sharing has not been a problem so far and even eating is going pretty well. Phew! I assumed that Fitz and Besu would like a lot of the same foods as Marin did when she arrived home and mostly they have. With one BIG exception. Tomato based products. Marin Tigisty could not get enough ketchup, tomato soup, lasagna, etc,. You could cover cows liver & brussel sprouts in ketchup and Marin would have loved it! These guys are a bit more discriminating. They have liked most things but they lean towards meat/protien. Fried egg, cheese & ham sandwiches, toast and jam, scrambled eggs and potatoes, kiwi and tea have been hits. One will eat yogurt and both of the boys, though they scrunch their noses up at the idea of milk, have loved the chocolate shakes I have made them everyday. (shhhh!) They have tried lasagna, eaten chicken and rice and of course loved the Ethiopian daddy brought home for them the other night. They have tried baked chicken nuggets from home & had Chik fil a too. Can't go wrong with a good waffle fry, can you?! They are taking children's vitamins and Juice Plus gummies every morning and once we go have the dreaded bloodwork done today we will begin a regimen of supplements for them.
We feel certain one boys date of birth is 100% correct (which makes today his birthday eve!) but the other one's year could be off by up to 4 years... Ugh. Our pediatrician had us do x rays yesterday to determine a starting guesstimate on the age. He has a full set of adult teeth already and if he were to be 8 like we have heard (and he tells you he is) he is off the charts tall which wouldn't make sense. No malnurished child with a background like this son could be so healthily tall... the dr yesterday is guessing he is closer to 10... we shall see. Nothing like a good mystery eh?
The sadness still shows up. 1 or 2 x's a day this son is literally crippled with pain and grief. I feel blessed that he will come to me. We will then go away from all the others and shut the door. Once he knows no one will walk in on him, he cries. It kills me but it is "normal". It is healthy. I actually wish the other one would react a bit more but he is trying to be so super strong and not show emotion... I expect though that something someday will trigger the grief for this son too and it will be rough.
So Irishopian readers, we are doing pretty good. I cannot get over how easy the jump from 6 kids to 8 has been so far! I am going to attibute it to all the prayers so please, keep 'em coming! We appreciate it so much! And, oh, photos will be coming very soon! I promise!

The new reality is Sadness

2010-12-07T09:35:00.004-05:00

Wow. This is so hard. Adopting older children is so different or at least this time it is. I need to be careful here. I do not want to share everything about my boys. They deserve my discretion. But they are suffering. It is Sadness with a big ole, capital 'S'. My boys do not feel like they hit the lotto like people often seem to expect. I don't think they could care less just how big their new home is or that it has any trappings... all they want is to be back in Ethiopia with a language they understand and food they like and family they love and miss terribly.
Don't get me wrong they are doing great. They are well-behaved, following our directions & trying desperately to please. But, they are sad. Very, very sad. Especially my younger one. His sadness cuts me like a knife. He was doubled over getting on the plane. He motioned that his stomach hurt so we went to the bathroom but that didn't help. It was nerves and sadness kicking his tiny, under-weight rear. Once I looked up the word for sad and showed it to him he collapsed against me and stayed there for 8 hours.
This morning the sadness is back. It is like an evil stalker that has a very frighteningly tight hold on him. It is literally killing me watching him try to smile and feeling him hugging me back when I know what he wants is to go off and sob.
I believe that both of our new sons will be fine in time, maybe a month, maybe 6 months. But, for now, watching them struggle is tough. Very tough.

having fun w/post 351

2010-11-24T14:44:00.014-05:00

351 posts ago I started this blog. We were in the home study stage of our first adoption from Ethiopia. At that point we were open to one little girl up to age 4, or siblings, one of which had to be a girl. Praise God we got our sweet baby Marin Tigisty and brought her home in March of 2008. End of story.
Or so we thought.
After my trip back to Ethiopia earlier this year we knew we had to go back again. This time for our 2 sons. Boys all over the world sit in orphanages and wait. Young ones even. And older boys. Well, they wait a very long time. We decided we couldn't allow that. There were 2 boys in Miskaye who I had met (by chance? HA, we know better) that now needed to be members of our family. So on Saturday, November 27, I am leaving with our oldest daughter Finlay, to bring our 8 & 10 year old sons home. End of story?
We shall see...

So, this being Thanksgiving eve I want to share some photos of what I am thankful for. Here goes:

I am extremely thankful for these two:

And overwhelmingly thankful for him:

I am so thankful for these two knuckleheads:

And of course I am thankful for these 4 eggheads too:

And, although I don't always write about them, I am sooo thankful for Jessika, Martha and Tofu too....

There are just way too many more people & things that I am thankful for to post photos of them all - trust me though when I say, I am thankful to all of you who read Irishopian - I am thankful for the friendships that have sprung out of these 3.5 years of blogging & my local friends who read Irishopian when I link it into facebook. You all and your support mean so much to me! Thank you. Please,keep checking back in. Once we arrive home with our newest family members, I am sure there will be lots to share! Until then, happy, happy Thanksgiving to you all!

Only 9 days left to give & get!

2010-11-20T23:07:00.005-05:00

Check it out! Buy one of these very cool tee shirts, a hoodie, Ethiopian coffee, or travel tumbler (or coffee/tumbler set) and mention us - Kristin from Irishopian - in the "special instructions" to the seller and not only will you get a great, one-of-a-kind gift, but, you help us in the process! This offer is being promoted all through November to coincide with Adoption Awareness Month and I am thrilled that Ordinary Hero has allowed us to be a beneficiary! I found out today that just one purchase has been made that mentions us thus far.... thank you to that buyer but can't we try to get that # up a bit?!? Why don't you hop on over to the Ordinary Hero blog by clicking on the link below and see if there isn't a great Christmas idea available that helps you cross someone special off your gift list and helps my family defray our adoption costs at the same time!!!

Ordinary Hero Blog: NEW COFFEE TRAVEL TUMBLER......PLUS GIVE AWAY!!: "GOOD NEWS FOR THE 54 ADOPTIVE FAMILIES SIGNED UP TO RECEIVE PROFIT THIS MONTH FROM OH!PLUSA REALLY CUTE TUMBLER FOR ALL THE REST OF YOU :) ..."

It's Word Toilet Day - honest!

2010-11-19T12:16:00.006-05:00

Who knew they had a World Toilet Day? But you know what? I am glad that they do. I get it now after our water tour with Water 1st 10 1/2 months ago. Out in the tiny and not so tiny villages and towns of Ethiopia we saw first hand the need for basic sanitation. I know I've written before about how although clean water is the ultimate goal, you really can't have true sanitation without proper latrines.
Here is a small section of the villagers who were at that time learning about the need for pit latrines. They were so excited that we were coming that day that they were all out waiting for us.

This is their current water source. For some it is literally miles away and with larger families they need to fill many buckets. This means they must fetch water all day.Fetching water is a woman's job. Sometimes they are pregnant. Sometimes they have just given birth a few days before. Most times they have their daughters spend their days fetching as soon as they can hoist a jerrycan onto their backs, usually by ages 5-6. Those daughters cannot go to school when they are out fetching water all day.

These are a couple of donkeys laying near the water source. They were part of countless animals, cows, goats, etc., who use this creek for their own drinking water. While we were there filling jerrycans we saw a number of these animals pee and poo into the water. The same water we were scooping up to be used as drinking water.

Mmmmm, nice, clean, refreshing water. Hey kids, anyone thirsty? Just thinking about the babies we saw there having to drink this water makes me retch. It should cause you to gag too. The flip side to this is that the people in this area have never had proper sanitation so they too use this water and areas that are swept into this water as a toilet. It is what has always been done. Up until Water 1st came in to start this water project, no one had ever taught the villagers that there were other ways of doing things. They lived sickly lives. Their animals were sick. Their children were sick. They were sick. They had no other option. But now, Water 1st has educated selected community leaders in the villages of this area to teach the importance of the latrines and these families have realized that they can be healthier by digging their own latrine. Eventually too they will have clean water sources and wells.

Remember the scene in Slumdog Millionaire where the little brother jumps down, out of the toilet on a dock, into the poo so that he can go meet the Bollywood star? Ewww. Sadly, people all over the world must use "toilets" like that one or worse. 2.5 BILLION people do not have a toilet. That is an incredible fact, don't you think? Pit latrines are the healthiest way to go and benefit so many, generation after generation. They cut down the spread of disease and they help keep feces out of crops and common areas. (And, yes, dear goodness, they DO smell horrific!!!)

Here are a few pics of pit latrines for your viewing pleasure. And today when you go to use your clean, comfy-seated toilet please think of those who have never had the option of a safe, private, hygienic toilet and silently wish them a happy world toilet day too.

http://water1st.org

Some days you just have to laugh....

2010-11-18T12:22:00.003-05:00

So too much is going wrong right now with our adoption but eventually it will be okay. Please keep us in your prayers and in the meantime here are some "cheer me ups"...

gray day

2010-11-16T18:29:00.002-05:00

You might not know me but hopefully if you have read my blog for any length of time you believe me to be a pretty honest person. Right is my friend. Wrong makes me ill. I truly hate dishonesty and drama. It's just who I am.

Yet somehow drama likes to find it's way into my life... Drama does it's best to creep in and blow some tiny thing all out of proportion just when I least expect it. Here we thought we would be in Ethiopia right now, picking up our boys and instead this week alone we have had adoption drama that just wears me down and wipes me out. Finally, FINALLY, we get all the nasty drama and nonsense sorted out, thanks to many helpful people, and then tonight I get an email from our agency saying that they have sent multiple notices of payment due and that we cannot travel until we pay up. THIS IS SIMPLY NOT TRUE! David called a couple of weeks back to see if we could make the final payment to them but the accountant told us to wait! Honest! I was right here, in the office, next to him and heard the conversation. I hate feeling as if someone believes that we are lying. I just hate it. It ruins my day and makes me feel so awful... It's almost one of those situations where the more you try to explain the more they don't believe you... UGH!

I LOVE Ethiopia. Love it. I am so excited to be returning soon to a country that has such a hold on my heart. But, that being said, I cannot wait to be done with all of this and just be able to begin our life with our expanded family. It is time.

Drama be gone!

Not just another day

2010-11-14T20:11:00.009-05:00

Today is Marin's bday. Or the day that was given to her so that the Ethiopian government could issue her a birth certificate. November 14. Just another day to so many but a very special day to us and our peanut. Marin couldn't even stand it she has been so excited. I was looking at her at Mass this morning and began to think about how sad it is that we will never know her true birthday or her true age. It might seem silly yet a birthday is so special - it is more then just presents or lame parties (well, at least my bday parties). It is the day the Lord chose specifically for each of us. A day to begin the life He ordained for us. The day we begin our journey. I know some of us don't even like our birthdays but at least we know when they are. I myself LOVE my birthday. It is a day I look forward to for weeks. I don't care about gifts, dinners out or any of that, I just like that that day belongs to me and no one else!
Thinking about it, I suppose I equate my biological children's birthday's with a rush of real, gritty, fight-to-the-death maternal love. Those 5 bdays are days that truly stand out. I worked hard but in the end received these little bundles of warm, snuggliness. These are the days that our relationship began officially... So, maybe I stress about the not knowing because I feel a bit cheated? Hmmm. I mean I am okay with never having seen my beautiful girl as an infant. I can't spend time on the longing for something that just isn't possible. But, that being said, this day just brings home how much is missing for my baby girl...

As I said, Marin loves her bday. She has counted down the days since October started... it's been a long wait! This year we had a little bday party. I dislike birthday parties. They throw me for a major loop because I just so stink at them. The bar has been raised so high by all those Martha Stewart moms who know how to make it look easy. They create beautiful invites, decorate the house with the party theme, create just the right party foods and fill the longest 3 hours of life with the perfect games. I am not good at clever ideas, planning, kids foods and most especially games, etc,. A cocktail party, a Christmas soiree, a dinner party or game night I have got down but for whatever reason kids birthday parties just make me sweat! So despite the party anxiety we had a shindig here at the house. We invited 5 of Marin's great buddies (& one cute little sister came too) - You may know that 5 of our 6 kids started new schools this year. One moved into high school but the other 4 moved to our local public schools. A lot of things were happening at our old school and we felt moved to take our kids out of our little Catholic school and put them in (*gasp*) public school. A move I thought I would NEVER make. But, despite a couple of hiccups, it has been a good move and is the right thing for us... 2 of Marin's buddies (& the cute little sister!) were new friends from Marin's new school. They are 2 precious girls who I am so happy Marin has as friends. 2 other girls are a set of sweet sisters who Marin plays with often and the last one was Emebet, Marin's bff who is also from the village where Marin was born in Ethiopia... anyhow the girls were so darn cute!
We had a tea party. Everyone was welcomed to dress up if they wanted to, and they all did. We made tea pot covered goodie bags, (which I forgot to fill so they ended up being left here!) then we played games.

I was excited about my creation of pin the teabag on the tea pot. (It was a hit - phew!) Next, we moved onto musical chairs, which eventually turned into freeze dance, which eventually turned into a conga line... and of course I forgot to give prizes for all the games...

Lastly, we had a cupcake cake which I found ended up shaped like Africa after all the cupcakes had been pulled out!
So although this day may be just another day for you, it is a big one at our house. We feel blessed to have a reason as amazing as our Marin Tigist to celebrate November 14th!

recent discoveries

2010-11-09T11:32:00.003-05:00

A blogger that I enjoy reading does a thing called Discoveries of the day - they are really a series of discoveries that she makes over the month and posts on one day. Said blogger, Courtney asks her followers to join in and post their discoveries. Since I don't have a lot of positive stuff to blog about (while some knucklehead in the US Embassy dreams up new ways to make it harder for adoptions to be approved) I thought I would give it a try. So here goes...

Over the past month I have:

*discovered that even when you give in and buy the Darth Vader costume, Rory will always be Harry Potter at the last minute.

*discovered that old friends can be like new friends again.

*discovered that waiting is truly the hardest part.

*discovered again how much I love my hubby. (go back a few posts and you will see why he touched my heart so deeply this month)

*discovered how blessed I feel to have access to good medical care when Marin had her tonsils out, I had bronchitis and my boys had weird insect bites all over them.

*discovered that Butterfingers just can't be beat! Mmmmm.

*discovered that Bob Rice, one of my favorite Christian musicians, has an adopted child from Haiti. Cool.

*discovered that the "fall back" time change is hard for me. I felt off all day!

*re-discovered how much I hate getting out of a nice, warm, cozy, flannel-sheeted bed at 5:30 in the morning!

*discovered that Goldfish don't like to be in bowls with other Goldfish. (the real kind, not the snack cracker)

*discovered that my weekend "to do" lists never fully get taken care of

So what have you discovered over this past month???

looking back ~ World Orphan Sunday

2010-11-07T20:57:00.007-05:00

Learn to do good. Seek justice. Help the oppressed. Defend the cause of orphans. Fight for the rights of widows.

Isaiah 1:17

It is World Orphan Sunday and my whole day has been truly a day of reflecting on Marin joining our family nearly 3 years ago and the impending embassy trip to Ethiopia to bring our 2 new sons home...
How blessed am I to have 8 kids, 3 of them who were chosen by God to join us via adoption!? You don't need to answer because I feel very blessed. Very. Very. Blessed.

And anyone who welcomes a little child like this on my behalf is welcoming me.

Matthew 18:5

Here are a few shots of us meeting our peanut, Marin Tigisty. I will NEVER forget that moment as long as I live. It was the most special moment in my life, meeting my no longer orphaned daughter...

My baby girl was so open to us. Yet, she was so full of longing & fear trying to be all she thought we wanted her to be. It hurts me to see how happy and scared she was at the same time in these photos. She was begging us to love her with her innocent little eyes. She never wanted to let me go. She needed a mommy and daddy so bad. She must have worried so much that we would decide "no, this isn't the right child for us"... How confusing it must have been for her. I am sure she was not told what was going on. She has said many things that have led us to believe that she never really could have known what was happening. She has many stories of her past mixed up in her head and it is so sad to think of the confusion she must have felt while she waited and even after she met her new parents....

Father to the fatherless, defender of widows — this is God, whose dwelling is holy. God places the lonely in families.

Psalms 68:5-6

Now we wait, anxiously, for our precious boys to be allowed to travel home. We honestly thought that on this day next week we would be on a plane to Ethiopia to be with the boys, attend the embassy appointment and then travel home. Today though I noticed a snafu in our paperwork. Our home study approved us for 2 boys ages 7 - 12. Someone in Ethiopia put our Besu down as 6 years old on the newly issued birth certificate. Now we need 2 addendum's FAST. I know my boys are fine where they are. But. I. Want. Them. Home. It is time. They need to be in our home, starting their new lives. They just do.

You are the helper of the fatherless. LORD, You have heard the desire of the humble; You will prepare their heart; You will cause Your ear to hear, To do justice to the fatherless and the oppressed, That the man of the earth may oppress no more.

Psalms 10:14,17-18

Please God, help the child who is orphaned and those most vulnerable wherever they might be. Amen.

Easy way to give & get at the same time!

2010-11-04T13:44:00.003-04:00

http://ordinaryheroblog.blogspot.com

Looking for a great Christmas idea... want to help us bring home our sons at the same time? Please, click on the link above and check out what Ordinary Hero are doing. They have created a very cool line of tee shirts and in honor of Adoption Awareness Month they are giving $10 (their profit!) of every tee sold to the family that is designated (in the add special instructions to the seller line)... buying a cool tee as a gift for someone, or maybe even for you, will help us with our final expenses in getting our boys home! (flights = $3000+, visa fees = $1500, final portion owed to Celebrate Children = $7000, etc,...) So buying a tee to promote adoption is the gift that keeps on giving! Thanks!

And oh, happy Adoption Awareness Month!

Sadness

2010-11-01T20:08:00.004-04:00

My friend is dying. She is 42 and she is dying. I can't even fathom it.
I went to school with Natalie back in junior high. There was always something about her. She was just cool. Sweet, smart and honestly nice to everyone. I gained coolness points just by living near her and riding the same bus.
One day I woke up and looked out at her house to see it surrounded by firetrucks. It had caught fire and burned throughout. Her little brother had woken up before everyone and played with matches. I don't remember if they moved back in there, but, soon after the fire we left junior high and Natalie went a to public high school nearby while I went to a Catholic high school far away.
About a year ago we reconnected via facebook. It was great. Natalie was just as sweet and easy to chat with as ever. I connected with her older sister too. At just a year apart they had always had the closest sister relationship I had truly ever known.
So right now Natalie and her older sister are spending their last days, maybe hours together as Natalie dies of colon cancer. Natalie had been keeping me posted on her new surgeon and his optimism, so to find out last week that she was in Hospice care and ready to meet the Lord was a shock.
It just doesn't seem right. Please, I just want you to keep her and 2 of my other classmates who have stage 4 cancer in your prayers. It is too darn young.
Thanks.

peeping toms?

2010-10-28T11:13:00.004-04:00

When I have time I like to read the blogs on my blog roll. I like to catch up with the peeps I have come to "know" through their blogs. My fellow bloggers are a diverse group but there is something that draws me to each of them. Most of them I have never even met but some have become my dearest friends! It is amazing how it used to be the creepy pizza delivery guy who made his friends online but now-a-days we all seem to! If you think about it, the idea of reading about people's lives is kind of creepy. But I like that. Not the creepiness, but the window into the worlds of others.

Who doesn't have days where they wonder if their lives are normal, tougher, easier, better, worse, more or less fun, more or less spiritual, etc, etc., then others? I would assume that we all wonder that. Since the invention of blogs we can now all easily peek into the windows of the lives of others. Be they big families, small families, singles, like-minded and totally opposite minded people. Pretty cool.

All bloggers are different, with different styles of writing, different slants, etc,. Some bloggers don't tell you too much about their lives. Often times they prefer to talk about current events, post photos, etc,. Those blogs are great, they serve a purpose. They are someones creative outlet. But, they are not the kind of blog I read. I need a bit more open-ness. I crave the reality of like-minded friends. Like-minded being a broad term. Some of my blogger friends and I are VERY different except for a single common thread. That alone helped us to find each other and is what keeps us together.

Some blogs boggle my mind. I wonder after reading them how does this blogger have such a great life, manage to keep it all together?
I admit to having given in to some blog envy... Bloggers who are truly talented amaze me. I consider myself an average Joe. I know just enough to use my blog as a kind of online diary. I can keep track of my life and what has transpired over the time since I started Irishopian 3 YEARS AGO!
But I don't know how to change my font. I cannot link things in very often as I constantly forget how to do that! I don't know how to enlarge or make my photos smaller for posts. There are so many times I would love to refer to a past post but not only do I not know how, I usually can't find that original post! So I admit to a wee bit of blog envy. I am not ashamed & I'm working on it! I am trying to just be thankful for my own ability and the limited window I open to the cyber world. I trust it is enough.

Sometimes we bloggers go away for a while. We disappear. We have something going on that stops us from sharing and our windows become foggy, dirty, dull. Mostly we show back up again later. Often times much later but we are glad to be back. Blogging is healing. It is a sort of therapy. It allows us to share, vent, learn. I love to see the windows being thrown back open and allowing us all back into a life we have missed. It is a gift really.

So, thank you to all who peek into the window that is Irishopian. Our window is not the most exciting. It's not the prettiest. It's not the most well-written but it is written with heart and love and I am grateful to God for all those friends out there who love us back.

some big butts

2010-10-25T13:37:00.007-04:00

Whew, there is just so much to process!!! This time last week, David was winging his way to Ethiopia to meet our sons and attend court. Poor hubby. He was so nervous as I am sure the boys must have been too. Meeting your new dad stinks if you just don't like him... Thankfully it all went well and the boys are ours. Wait, I need to say that again just because it feels so great to say! The boys are ours!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Now we are waiting for the American embassy to do it's thing and issue passports for the boys and give us an embassy date. We are hearing rumors of date in mid-November but cannot book tickets yet as there are still too many "ifs, ands" and of course, my big butt...
Hey - I'm working on it! (Sorry Kim, I could not resist sticking you in here!)
So since David's arrival home Saturday morning I have learned even more wonderful and heartbreaking things about my boys. For children 8 & 10 years old, they have seen a lot, and sometimes in their photos I think I see a weariness. A desire to not have so many unfulfilled needs and wants. A longing for a place to feel so safe because you know the people there will love you no matter what. I doubt they could express it in words but I see it - they are tired. It is hard to live in an orphanage for a year. Having to be always "on". Ready to impress, hoping someone will choose you to join their family. Hoping that if that does happen they will treat you well and love you. Praying and hoping. I am so glad that that part is behind them now. But, and again, it is a big but, this next step is not easy either. Everything our boys have ever known will now change. The way they eat, sleep, dress, play, speak, worship, spend their days, etc., will be different once they land in the US. I would bet that they do not yet even realize just how different life will be. They can't comprehend it. Neither can we.
I do know this though. There is a family here, an Irishopian family, who cannot wait for the call that says book your tickets to bring your boys home.
We have got a lot of work ahead of us. Schools, language, comprehension and rules. It is not going to be a piece of cake but (not again!) we feel ready for the challenge. We feel as if this was part of our purpose as a married couple, as parents, all along. As things happen we will share some of it. But, (yep, another VERY big one this time), there are many things we will NOT be sharing. We have realized that by talking about Marin's past we have taken a right away from her. We have cheated her out of the right to choose when to share her story and the right to choose with who she wants to share it. We are starting over. Our 5 biological kids have been instructed on this too. From now on certain aspects of our 3 adopted children's lives are theirs and only theirs to share. They will know that there is NO SHAME at all in who they are and where they have come from. They will know that we are grateful for all that makes them the children they are. But they will also know that nobody knows every last detail about their lives. It will be shared with us and stop there. Hopefully that will help them as we build that parental trust & bond with our precious boys...
So, please, do not be insulted if I surprise you and say "I am sorry but I can't tell you that. This is Besu's or Fitz's story and they are not ready to share it yet." It is so NOT me. I would normally tell you just about anything - probably more then you ever wanted to know. But not any longer. I have 3 special stories that I am not telling you. No if's, ands, or big butts about it!

musings from Addis w/a small side of humor

2010-10-22T09:16:00.004-04:00

I love humor. I am sure that you can't tell from my writing but I am kinda funny. I love to laugh. Quote some lines from The Office, Napoleon Dynamite or Elf to me and I will no doubt end up snorting (yes, very sexy). Saturday Night Live can literally make me howl and I have woken kids up laughing at the Lawrence Welk skit Kristen Wigg does. So I thought I would marry a guy who made me laugh all the time. Someone who cracked me up with witty observations or wicked sarcasm. But I didn't.
I married David. He is smart, wait no, he is amazingly smart, his mind and the way it works knocks my socks off. He is caring, loving, handsome, tall (always liked tall men) and just good. When I met him it was like a magnetic force. I couldn't be away from him. I still can't. But he doesn't crack me up.
So today, I have been hearing from him about his last few hours with our new sons. The boys that he already truly loves deeply. He is txting about the pain of leaving and their quiet sorrow. He is telling me that the boys asked for apples on the way back to Miskaye and they found 20 good, red ones for them and all their friends at the orphanage. He is sharing his new found appreciation for hand-holding. Telling me that holding our sons hands comforts them and reassures them. And then he txts "white one". I couldn't stop laughing! See, just when I least expect it my man does something that tickles my funnybone! He has just seen his first punch buggy in Addis.
Good one honey, good one!

Please read.....

2010-10-21T16:17:00.004-04:00

Another wonderful but heart-wrenching day. The txts keep coming from David but today they are more about the life of the kids on the street that the Read and Feed program is currently working with... I knew it would eat my man up and it has. He said he tossed and turned in be all last night. So today we are doing something about it. I have put out a plea on facebook. David has found out that the cost of a bunkbed is roughly $75 and one bunkbed will sleep 4 children. Are you thinking about that? 2 little ones smooshed on a top bunk... No doubt it is better though then being out on the streets of Addis where the sewer is open and running right by you, where you are vulnerable to anyone passing by, where you are at the mercy of the weather and have no way to warm yourself... We have one $50 donation so far and I beg you to consider giving something to help these children. Here is a link to our non-profit that will send the money over. It is a tax-deductible donation if you give through Hope's Chest, Hearts 4 Hope. http://www.facebook.com/l.php?u=http%3A%2F%2Fhearts-4-hope.org%2Findex.html&h=5bc08

I want to also ask one thing before I share the txt that has just come in from David. I want to beg you to consider opening your home to an orphan or 2 or 3. Could you? No, it is not the easy thing to do but it is the right thing. The children I know sitting in orphanages in Ethiopia are just as wonderful as your birth children and mine. They feel the same feelings. They want the same things. They have similar dreams. They just want a family. You can do it. I promise. Please consider it. Please.
And here is how I will end this post, with the series of txts that just arrived from my sweet man. Do you see why I love him so much!?
Last night in Ethiopia. End of a physically & emotionally draining week. All of my senses are exhausted. Smells are so different, tastes unlike anywhere. Sounds of millions of people during the day then dark, eerie silence at night punctuated by dogs. Sights of abject poverty & awesome beauty & the touch of orphaned children just wanting love. People with such kind hearts, in a country with perfect weather, & one of the few mixed religious societies that works with millions of poor, orphaned, dying men, women and children. I'm so sad and happy to leave. Sad because I have 2 sons that will be alone now, happy that my mind can return to the issues like share, inventory, financials & school grades. Issues that are clear & exact & manageable unlike the mix of thoughts and emotions I have here. But my sons know me and hugged me hard tonight and 20 homeless orphans will have beds and uniforms for school.

I heart my hubby

2010-10-20T14:10:00.007-04:00

The txt's from my dear hubby have continued to arrive from Addis. They bring me news of what is happening, more about the history of our boys & interesting observations about the boys from their new dads perspective.
I will admit that I had been jealous that David got to go over alone for this court date. But, now I see why it happened this way... This morning I had the "ah ha" moment. (You would think I would catch on that God always knows better then me and just trust Him, but, instead, I question everything.)

Anyhow, David needed to take this trip without me for a couple of reasons.

1. He needed some bonding time with our sons. Our boys are older (8 & 10) and honestly no matter how great they are our family is about to undergo a huge change. I had already met them so truly, David needed to "know" them as they are as best he could before their little worlds flipped upside down and they moved 7153.5 Miles to become part of Irishopian.

2. My man is a 240 lb, 6' 3" burly man. He has sprouted hair everywhere since we married at 22. (He tricked me!) He can seem formidable. But he is the most tender-hearted man I know. Truly. He can be moved to tears easily. When we first went to the Catholic Charities "Intro to Adoption" talk he was dragging his feet. He went for me and for the kids, "just to check it out". He wasn't opposed to adoption at all but he felt content with 5 kids. Then he heard the facts. The statistics. The needs. On the way home he told me that we should be open to siblings. That is my sweet, giant mush-ball. He needed to take this trip because honestly, he had forgotten how truly bad things were in Ethiopia. This trip has opened his eyes again to the needs of the poor. To the tragedy that is life for an orphan in Ethiopia. He needed to have his heart cracked open just enough to bleed a bit again. God knew that.

Nearly 3 years ago when we arrived home with Marin, David said to me that he wished we could sell all we have and move to Africa to work with the poor. But then a few days went by and he got back into his routine of conference calls and new cities every other day with work. He HAD to, that is his sacrifice for us. Working hard. Taking care of us. Providing everything we need and then some.

I think this trip is going to reinvigorate him. No dear readers, I doubt we will be packing up and shipping out just yet, but I do think that this trip will be just what David needs to remember the heartache he witnessed. I am not there to turn to. He is carrying this alone. It is harder alone. Getting out into the streets, unlike the softer, more "protected" trip we took the first time, is harder to forget even with meetings and deadlines.
The wonderful orphanage director of Miskaye took David out today to see the Read and Feed program she started a few months ago. She had seen how many kids couldn't learn because they were just too hungry. They had no help with their homework and they had nowhere to go after school to get it done. She rented a building and now each day she feeds 20 kids 3 meals a day. She gives them uniforms and sends them to school and when they finish their classes each afternoon they come and do their homework or get help if they are having trouble with a subject. Sadly, they still sleep on the streets at night. But, maybe now they will one day be able to get jobs because they have had a decent level of education.
My David was truly moved by these children. One spoke to his heart in particular way and he said it will haunt him knowing these children, this child, is sleeping on a busy, dangerous city street tonight and every night. He told me that we need to do something. He told me to start collecting school supplies and clothes for these kids. His heart and his soul were filled with a compassion in a way that is beautiful and painful. He will now see the faces of these children in his mind and when he closes his eyes. I believe that this is why he needed to be there this week without me. So again, I thank the God who sees all, knows all and orchestrates all for His wisdom and for giving me this spouse who makes me love him more and more every darn day.

8 + 2 = our Irishopian family!

2010-10-19T17:56:00.011-04:00

Wow, today was quite a day! I had tried to hit the hay early last night since I had to be up at 4 AM in order to take Marin to the hospital for her tonsillectomy. I knew sleep would be tough to come by though on the eve of Marin's surgery and our boys court date... The first txt from David arrived at midnight. It said he was on his way to meet our boys and he was nervous... I fell back to sleep. The next txt woke me right at 4. It said: "Everything ok. The boys are ours. Met both their moms, sweethearts... Boys are ok, a little quiet, maybe frightened" Well that txt got my heart racing and brought tears to my eyes so I broke down and just called David.
He quickly filled me in. He had arrived nervously at Miskaye determined not to cry (because we frightened Marin when we cried tears of joy years ago)! At Miskaye David met our boys (drum roll please as I announce their names for the very first time ever!) Fitsum and Besufekad who hugged him, shook his hand and said "hello dad". Then he met their birth mothers. He said that both of their birth mothers were beautiful, humble, sweet and very thankful... ***I often wonder how I woud be if I were in the shoes of my children's parents... I wonder if I could be so lovely. I think though that I would be bitter. Snippy. Possibly down-right rude. These precious women were not. Marin's father was not. They have put their pain aside and made this terribly hard decision for their children and to me it is the most unselfish act I have ever witnessed.***
From there they all traveled to court together. They waited for about an hour and then were called in. I don't have a lot of the details (at $3 a minute I didn't get the nitty gritty!) so I don't know what the judge said to anyone other then my hubby. She asked David two questions: 1. Do your other children know about this adoption? David told her yes, the others know and are very excited. 2. Have you done any training to help the boys integrate? I don't know what she meant exactly. Culture, age, race, language? I don't know if David knew either but he was able to say yes again and to tell her that we have read tons, researched, done online classes and participated in 12 classroom hours on adopting older children. So then she said, "congratulations, they are yours" and right then, BOOM, we became a family of 10!

That was all I got from our phone conversation as I then had to dash so that Marin and I could get to the hospital. Thankfully though I got bits and pieces in txts all day. I heard that Fitz and Besu (our nicknames for the boys) are great soccer players. (knew that!) David said that they could be our "travel team" players! (ugh was my response! have you seen that level of commitment?) I heard that our boys loved the puzzles I had packed and the lollipops. I heard Fitz loved spaghetti w/meat sauce but that Besu would't touch it. Heard that Fitsum was fascinated by the hair on David's arms (wait til he gets a glimpse of his new dad's back! phew!) and that Besufekad's wrists are so tiny and thin that if David makes an "O" by touching his first finger to his thumb both wrists fit inside. David said that the boys are excited and seem to understand that they will not fly home with him. They can say "mother, sister, brother, etc,." when they see our photos. Every bit of information I gleaned today was like a nugget of gold. These sweet boys are now my sons!
My head is buzzing with questions about them and joy and relief and more questions and lots and lots of exhaustion! It's a crazy life here at Irishopian but it's a blessed one. And yes, thankfully Marin did just great. She is eating her weight in popsicles but she feels okay. God is good friends, repeat after me, God is good!

The long and winding road

2010-10-18T10:25:00.003-04:00

Nearly 4 years ago we began a journey. At the time it seemed overwhelming. Paperwork, doctor visits, home inspections, visas, organizing, planning, waiting. And at the end of this journey we were so flipping blessed to have this gorgeous peanut come home to join our family:
Like all of life's journeys this one has led us down a path we didn't expect. Our eyes were opened to things we could not have imagined before we started down this road. Things we knew but truly did not know. Truths we could not fully comprehend until our minds had been boggled, stretched and formed in a whole new way. Realities became blurred and then re-imagined.
Adopting Marin led us back to Ethiopia to work with Water 1st. We saw the sickness that came from years of drinking dirty, parasite invested water. We knew our path was to go back and make a differnce. In order to do this we fundraised for a year. During the worst economy any of us have ever witnessed we raised a boat load of money. That money led us to find more ways to help those who are in dire straights in Ethiopia even when the economies are good. That extra money led us to Miskaye in Kilite to see what we could do to help the fledgling orphanage. And that trip led us to our new sons.
The journey is not over. I, no WE, both my amazing hubby and I, now understand a LOT more. We get it that this journey of opening ones life to an orphan takes on a life of its own. It has changed us. No doubt for the better. We still worry about where the college funding will come from and how we will pay for a big dorky 12 seater van but we have learned enough along this journey to know that worry is truly wasted time. The One who pointed us to this path has it all in His hands.
This journey is not the easier journey but it is the more richly blessed journey and the one I am amazingly thankful to be on!
Right now David is landing in Addis. He may immediately be driven out to meet his new sons and although I wish I were there I am blessed enough to know that their meeting will be one of the most special days in my dear hubby's life. Tomorrow they go to court and God willing all will go well. Tomorrow I will be able to share with the world our boys names and faces! I cannot wait. I am a proud mamma who cannot thank God enough for leading us down this path to our boys!!!

Almost ours!!!!!!

2010-10-14T15:47:00.004-04:00

It got pretty bad. The depression. Wow. Having never really gone through that before I just didn't know what was hitting me... All I could do for a few weeks was sleep and cry when I didn't have to be driving kids, making lunches or helping with homework.
But then it lifted. Suddenly. It was honestly like a weight being lifted. And I am grateful. Very. Because it was bad. Now it is good. Very good. Lots has come together and just as the funk was going away the joyful started rolling in!
Here's what I believe the "skinny" to be on court dates. There is one date for birth families to attend the courts in Ethiopia. I would guess they do it the same way they always did, where they try to be certain that the families understand what adoption really means. Relinquishing the child is a forever action and there is no going back. Then once that has been established to be 100% certain, there is a 2nd court case for the adoptive families a couple of weeks later.
In our case both of our boys families will be at the courts October 19th. So Sue at Celebrate Children International sent me an email at 6:15 Tuesday morning (the 12th). The subject was "Urgent". Ooohhh, the adrenalin began to flow immediately as we had been waiting a date! I opened the email and it said that if we could manage to be in Addis on Tuesday, the birth families court date, we would be able to miss the pre-set Nov 1st date and then have a good shot at having our boys HOME FOR CHRISTMAS!
Now I don't know if you, my dear readers, realize how much my hubby travels. It is a lot. Most weeks he is gone 4 days. This weekend he has to be at a work function from Friday until Sunday. And then David had planned to stay home a week. Marin is getting her tonsils out on the 19th and it is our week for carpooling to the older kids high school (1.5 hours round trip). So my man was going to be in town to help out and be there for his little girl when she came out of her first surgery. But, God being who He is, knew just how perfect this coming week would be for David to travel. In fact he has a trip booked to Seattle for the week after next that could NOT be changed. So the ticket is booked, David is ready and he will be heading over Sunday night on the 8:30 Ethiopian Airlines flight. He will get in to Addis late Monday, meet the boys Tuesday morning and go to court with them that day. He is staying until the 10:30 PM flight Friday night so he will get to hang out with the boys for 3 full days after they officially become ours!!!
So for now, things are good. I have to believe that they will stay that way and that this last bout of the blues was due to the pain of waiting. The unexpected. The unknown. Now we know and I am happy!
We have a court date and it is in less then a week!!!

Hopeful

2010-09-13T17:06:00.004-04:00

Just when it feels like I need to be a part of one of those sad, "Depression Hurts" ads. Just when it feels like there is no light at the end of this long, dark tunnel. Just when it feels as if we are on a tiny raft floating in the middle of a huge, scary ocean there comes a glimmer of hope. Hope is a great thing, don't you agree? (I think if I ever have another little girl I would factor Hope or Grace into her name....)
But, back to our "glimmer"... we finally have I600A fingerprinting dates, yay! They are set now for October 6. And another important document was notarized and sent off to CCI today - it was our POA, or Power of Attorney, which allows for David to attend the court hearings in Ethiopia without me.
Praise God it is all coming together and it just can't be soon enough! One of our boys will have been in Miskaye a full year at the end of September and the other will have been there a full year during the 2nd week of October. Miskaye is a wonderful place, full of love and nurturing, caring nannies and staff. But, it is still not a home. Our boys need to get into their new home. They need to join their new family and start their new lives. Every child needs a family. Every child deserves a family. This family now truly needs our 2 boys! They are our sons and our brothers and we feel their absence in a way we did not expect....
Thank you God for awakening new hope in me today!

counting my blessings...

2010-09-12T20:02:00.004-04:00

I don't know how one person gets to be so lucky. I just don't. Not that things are perfect. Far from it. If you could know the week I have just had you would shake your head in disbelief. But still, when the end of the day rolls in and I happen to reflect on my life, it nearly brings me to tears.
Let me start by pointing out Jamey at zehlahlum.blogspot.com (sorry, my linking thingy isn't working, you have to cut and paste or click below on my blog roll). I don't know if you have read Jamey's blog but if you haven't you should. Jamey is beautifully honest and her blog is a testament to adoption when it's not easy. And, let's be truthful, it often isn't easy. Please check her out and go back and read her from way back when. I love how she writes, it is funny and witty... it's how I wish I wrote! I feel like I know Jamey though we have not yet met in person. She is a fb friend and actually lives in the same state so I really hope we will meet someday soon. Anyhow, Jamey and her honesty makes me cry. It just does. She is working so hard to be the best mom, especially to her Ethiopian daughter who has been home 18 weeks. It has been a rough road for them but I admire their openness and determination... Her kindness is so special too. She has been moved by our struggle to bring our boys home and she has done so much to help promote our fundraising efforts. She is now doing some for us too. She somehow managed to make a beautiful Ethiopian flag blanket and is not raffling (*cough, cough) but giving it away to a donor, along with some homemade choc chip cookies! She is even willing to make the flag blanket of the winners choice if they don't want Ethiopia! This girl floors me. Truly. She makes me realize how blessed I am.
Then there's Jose. Jose has been staying with us for almost 2 weeks. He is a 19 year old from Panama. He came to our local community college to play baseball. He didn't realize that we had no real public transportation and so the poor guy got here and was stuck in a crappy hotel with no way to get anywhere. Jessika met him and told us his story. So here he is. He is a sweet boy and an easy house guest. But knowing that my kids will always have transportation and access to a good education and will not have to work for a year to obtain a visa to somewhere that isn't even what they expected makes me appreciate our lives even more. How hard it is for those who come to the US knowing no one... Oh, don't worry. We did teach him the expression "no way, Jose".
Then there is a dear friend. She has played a major role in my life and in the lives of my older children. Not sure whether to return to her job as vice-principal after an ulcer inducing year last year, she ended up going back. Friday morning as she dressed for work her husband died in bed. Now she is a widow. It breaks my heart. It makes me squeeze David tighter and kiss him longer. We just never know.
Those are the blessings I am counting tonight. Those and the fact that my boys will be home with us. They will. David will hopefully meet them in November for the court visit and then Finlay and I will bring them home. I cannot wait. It is beginning to be hard to just be patient.
So, Irishopian readers, I hope you all have some blessings to be grateful for?

thank you gifts heading out....

2010-09-06T22:24:00.002-04:00

So I want to thank anyone who donated to us over this past month. We raised $85 through this fundraising "drive". We appreciate it so much. Thank you! Keeping in mind that this was NOT a raffle, I want to give a necklace and a scarf to 2 donors as a way of showing my gratitude, so I have randomly picked 2 donors and will get in touch with you both tonight. You both happen to be facebook friends....
Again, thank you all so much. Every $5 is a huge help. This adoption is a wonderful thing and the Lord will provide for us... somedays I wonder if He realizes that we are fast approaching the 11th hour, but for the most part I don't worry a whole lot. Doesn't do me any good now does it!?
God bless you my bloggy friends!

Anxious?

2010-08-24T16:22:00.004-04:00

Is the suspense killing you?
Don't worry. I haven't yet given anything away to any of the nice people who have donated towards our adoption. I want to - believe me I do, but, I haven't raised much yet (And please, do not think that I do not appreciate the kind donations that have come in so far. I do, I do. We do, we do! Thank you all!) It's just that as of right now I have only raised $85 since August 6th. I was hoping to maybe hit $200 or $250... I guess though I will have to give it one last shot & pick a final date on which to end this fundraising effort and hope that we might raise a few more donations by then....
So how 'bout Sept 5? It's a Sunday. Okay, that is it, the final date and so now the push is on. Think we can bring in a bit more $$$ before then? Can you help me? Please, spread the word among those in your church and adoption circles. We have 2 beautiful, older boys waiting for us to come and bring them home... I haven't been blogging because I have been spending time trying to sort through all the boy clothes upstairs and organize their closets and new bedroom. It feels real now that our documents are waiting on a desk in Ethiopia. Our I 600A is on it's way to the USCIS and now we wait for that approval and a court date. Ahhh. There is a tiny light at the end of this tunnel! Thank you Lord!!!
So, once this latest fundraising drive is officially over I might just pick some lucky people to send a scarf to and a necklace to. I feel like celebrating our blessings.... Keep in mind though that this is not a raffle (now). Paypal put an end to that idea - they do NOT allow raffles. So this is a fundraising effort. Help me to raise funds for our boys adoption - It will likely inspire me to give away some of my cherished souvenirs from Africa... how fun!

It's beautiful...

2010-08-12T23:48:00.007-04:00

Ready for a BEAUTIFUL quote??? Let's test your knowledge too and see if you know who said it - leave me a comment if you think you know and in my next post I will give you the answer...

I have a dream that one day,...little black boys and black girls will be able to join hands with little white boys and white girls as sisters and brothers.

How fabulous that this person's dream is coming true! Sue at Celebrate Children International, http://celebratechildren.org/ our fabulous adoption agency says that so far they have helped bring over 200 children home from Ethiopia (lots of older kids too!), and Wide Horizons our first agency, has brought at least 1000 children home to families in the US. Of course, some of the families adopting are black but most are not. Most are white. And these families do not care about the color of their future children's skin. They care only that they are children who need them and cannot wait to love them for the rest of their lives! I for one think THAT is a beautiful thing!

where is your treasure?

2010-08-08T21:31:00.007-04:00

Apparently I cannot call this latest fundraising effort a r a f f l e. Paypal bans money being raised through raffles and they contacted me to tell me so. Oops. I have had to change words in my last post and I am clarifying things in this latest post so they will see I didn't mean it. Who knew they followed up on transactions like this? I love working with paypal though, so I do not want to get kicked off!

In happy news there have been a nice numbers of donations so far. It looks like people like the South African necklace better then the scarf. Please consider making a donation... I will leave things open a while and will keep you posted. Thank you to all who have supported us. All of it helps ease this burden.

One of the readings this weekend was from Luke & it truly spoke to me.

Jesus said to his disciples:
“Do not be afraid any longer, little flock,
for your Father is pleased to give you the kingdom.
Sell your belongings and give alms.
Provide money bags for yourselves that do not wear out,
an inexhaustible treasure in heaven
that no thief can reach nor moth destroy.
For where your treasure is, there also will your heart be.

How beautiful that Jesus is telling all of us to look at what we hold dear. Is it money, processions, property, everyday stuff or is it family & children, faith, Him...?
I really began to think about that.

Where is my heart? What do I believe to be my greatest treasure? I hope that it shows. I believe that He is my greatest treasure. By far. He dictates my every move, or at least He should... I hope that is where my heart is. I want it to be. It gets distracted with silly things, I know this happens far too often, but then I try to re-focus and bring it back.
In having Jesus as my treasure I get to live this awesome life. He has carved out this amazingly wild existence for us. It has been fun to watch it all unfold. I never expected to marry an Irishman. I hoped for a great man and a big family & I had that. After bringing Marin home we just assumed our family was complete. 6 kids still constitutes a fairly big family... I never in my wildest dreams expected to be bringing home 2 more boys from Ethiopia. 2 older boys who are not related at one time was just not something I could have even dreamed up. Our last agency, Wide Horizons, would never have allowed it so I didn't even know it would be possible! Ha ha, silly me. My treasure-r shows me all the time that things are always possible!! I went to Ethiopia to help with a well project and to see first hand the devastation a lack of clean drinking water brings to communities. Indeed I did see that. But then He allowed me to see so much more! He knew we would end up "checking out" Miskaye to see if it was a good orphanage to support. He knew I would meet these precious boys. He knew they were to be mine, ours. My treasure-r makes it ALL happen. And now my treasure and my heart is with them. How cool.
For where your treasure is, there also will your heart be.

Adoption update and a new fundraising idea -

2010-08-06T18:43:00.006-04:00

I thank you for all of your wonderful ideas from my woo-is-me last post. It's all official since then! Our dossier was finally complete when we were able to get the 2 final notarized items we needed which then allowed us to go get the seals we needed from our county and from our state. 2 copies of the dossier have been sent to Florida now and are in CCI's hands. The real dossier is on its way to our courier, who will take it to the State Department and then through the Ethiopian embassy in Wash. DC early next week! Yay. It took us a lot longer then we had expected to get our clearances back and to finalize the dossier but, boy, does it feel good to have that done! Monday I have to send another check to Florida. This one is for the review of our completed home study and for the humanitarian fee everyone has to pay. We also have to get our I600A's completed and sent out early next week. That is a very important step. If all goes well Sue is thinking we might have a court date in November and travel back to bring the boys home in January. That isn't too bad... I just want to get those sweet boys home!
Now that we are beginning a new school year I am even more anxious. We have made the switch from our local Catholic school to the public schools that we are zoned for for the youngest 4 kids. Never thought we would make this decision but certain things pushed us in this direction and actually now I am feeling pretty good about it... When F & B arrive home they will join the 3 youngest kids in the elementary school as soon as we figure out what grades we think would be best for them. I am guessing now that F would be in fourth and B would be in 3rd... F seems older, more confident and definitely speaks better English at this stage. We believe him to be in the 10 - 12 year age range. I imagine he will grow at an unbelievable rate once he gets here. B is probably between 8 - 11. He can look older in some of his photos but in person I don't remember him seeming quite as old as F... Again, he will no doubt grow very fast and it will be interesting to see where they both fall age-wise in the line-up of our family! I got some great photos of them again recently and F looks to be a terrific soccer player. I feel bad he will miss another year of playing locally. Kieran is so disappointed he won't have his new brothers to practice with this fall.

Well, I have some amazing photos of the Grand Canyon to post but instead I am going to see if we can't do a donation drive with a prize for 2 lucky winners? I would like to put up an Ethiopian scarf (from your choice of the 3 in the photo) and a necklace that was handmade in South Africa. I am asking for a $5 donation to have your name put in for one of these items. For every $5 you give, you can request what item you would like to be entered for... so if you donate $25 you might tell me that you would like 2 chances for the scarf and 3 for the necklace... make sense? Paypal allows you to leave messages so please give me instructions there. Also, could you PLEASE help to promote this idea? I need to reach a certain amount to have this benefit our adoption so please, help me get the word out there! Could you link it to your facebook or your blog? I would so appreciate your help! We are nearing the final leg of our adoption and truly appreciate your support!

The scarf winner can choose one of these 3 beautiful handmade scarves:
These one-of-a-kind, handmade scarves were made in a village of artisans just outside Ethiopia's capital Addis Ababa. They each measure approx 65" in length and approx 20" across (give or take an inch or two!). They are lightweight enough to be used as head scarves or as beautiful shoulder wraps. Good luck!

The other option would be this really cool South African necklace.
This necklace has a design of metal beads and red, white & blue beads complementing a unique beaded flower at it's center. It hangs on a thick, black cord and has a sturdy metal clasp. It comes in a wooden box and would look very cool with a pair of jeans and a t-shirt or a cute dress. Might make a great gift too but I think I would keep it for myself!

Heart on my sleeve...

2010-07-27T21:13:00.003-04:00

I need some help. I feel so blessed to have reached over $7600 raised to help cover our adoption so far. Very, very blessed indeed. Thank you so much to those who have contributed and prayed for us. People's kindness and generousity never cease to amaze me. I have been SO touched by every kind word of support, every private message & letter sent and every donation that has come our way. Honest, we appreciate every single one. But, here's the kicker; we still need to raise a lot more!
I don't know how to ask and actually, I HATE asking. But I'm gonna. I feel I have to. We need close to $32,000 in order for us to bring our 2 boys home. So here goes.... CAN YOU HELP?
I have offered Ethiopian items; coffee, tea, scarves, pottery, baskets, etc, for "sale", for "auction" and in return for donations. I still have many Ethiopian items left. I know I like to get something sometimes when I donate. (I don't have to get something in return, but it is fun!) I will happily send you something if you are able to help us... just say the word!
I will take ideas even... Last year Kathi D and I raised a LOT of money to work on the well project with Water 1st, to help the Miskaye orphanage, to help build a hospital in Leku in the region of Sidama and to work with the kids of the Luke Society clinic. Every penny went to help someone in Ethiopia. I don't feel I can do huge fund raisers for me personally. I just don't. But I will take ideas... Ideas that fit the blog/facebook style. Got any? I don't want to do t-shirts, there are enough out there in the adoption blogosphere. I can't make stuff to sell, I am not talented enough to have an Etsy. What more can a girl do? I see so many others raising $ for adoptions and not to sound pathetic here but I have 2 precious older boys waiting for me. That is unusual. Most of the blogs who are adopting haven't even gotten to the matching/referral stage. We do things a bit differently here at Irishopian and our boys are eager to get home to us. In late September one of them will have been at the orphanage a full year. In early October the other one will hit his year anniversary. We don't want them to be there too long. They need to be with us. We love these boys so much!!! So please, can you help?

Thanks.

Life in Ethiopia portrayed in new photos

2010-07-25T22:38:00.003-04:00

Signed Kieran up for fall soccer yesterday. He is so excited. Got an email today saying that they need more coaches for boys U8 teams.
What do you think these kids need???

Photos courtesy of Sue at CCI - aren't they beautiful!?

moving link & the seedier side of Vegas

2010-07-22T10:52:00.003-04:00

Whoa, this was a powerful blog post to wake up to... Want to be moved? Check this out:
http://africaboundandrews.blogspot.com/2010/07/price-of-virginity.html

As we finish up our time in Vegas this link hit me hard. Sex is being sold all around us here & it isn't some shameful back street selling of sex. It is in-your-face, buy-a-girl, all day long. There are certain points along the strip where these groups stand and pass out the flyer's to everyone; men, women and children. It makes me sick what people will do for money especially being willing to sell other human beings. It breaks my heart to think of the girls being used here as a commodity. I think of these precious girls and wonder if they realize how much God loves them? Who knows what has happened to them or why they are doing what they are doing but every girl, woman, person, deserves the right to a life without having to sell their body.
Today, I am praying for those trapped in prostitution and sexual slavery.
Care to join me?

Apparently what happens here gets blogged about

2010-07-21T18:57:00.006-04:00

Okay, I am better now. I am sorry for my somewhat depressing post yesterday. I don't like to be so vulnerable so that was hard for me. As I get older I am finding that it is happening a bit more often that I fall into a funk... today though I found myself annoyed at David and from that I was able to realize something that might help me avoid those "funks" in the future....

We were at the Mandalay Bay hotel and casino. I had really wanted to go to the Shark Reef there. On the way in we stopped in their casino to gamble just a little. For me I am saying $5 or $10. I don't like to waste $, no matter how fun it is, (and yes, I think gambling is fun, though I do hate to walk away empty handed.) So after a bit of $1 wheel playing, (winning, losing, winning again), I encouraged David to play the $5 Texas Hold 'em. He likes poker and he is usually a pretty good player. Well, he got into it and began winning. Then I got bored and asked him to cash out. He decided that he would rather stay and play for a while even though he knew he would end up losing it all. So I huffed off.
I just started walking. That place is huge. I eventually found the Shark Reef and decided to skip it. Silly me, I thought it was free & nope, it wasn't. (Sorry, this long story needs to be brought to it's point & here it is...) I realized as I began to walk back to the casino that I truly do not like being alone. I was beginning to feel like I did last night, all "poor me" blah, blah, blah.
I literally stopped though to get a hold of myself. I reminded myself that I had encouraged David to play poker in the 1st place. I reminded myself that he works SO hard all the time for us and that so far on this trip he has really done nothing for himself and everything for me. Once I saw those truths I realized too that I am a giver-inner sometimes. I feel sorry for myself for the dumbest of reasons. It was rather eye-opening. I will try to be better about keeping it real and counting my blessings.
Depression is totally real - one of my family members battles it hard. It is painful to see and breaks my heart. But feeling down because I am alone is not real depression. It is more like being a big baby. It made me see that maybe that is why I surround myself so often with our kids, their friends and our adult friends and always have people over our to our home? I am happiest having a lot of people around me.... An interesting life lesson for me here in sin city.
Anyhow, when I got back to the casino my man was still playing so I decided not to disturb him. Instead I went to look at the shops. I found this little gem...

I had been to Lush one time before, up at the beautiful town of Whistler in Vancouver. It's a cool place and I was tickled to find it again. I met the sweetest salesgirl, Shahara, who helped me with products for Marin's hair and my older kids skin and Kieran's eczema. She threw in all kinds of samples and goodies too and I walked out of there very, very happy. (retail therapy?) I promise a review of the regimen of products she helped me with for Marin's hair later. Shahara was so patient about explaining how and why and when to use them. Really looking forward to trying it all out!

Feeling lucky?

2010-07-20T21:33:00.002-04:00

I just learned about this awesome give-away today. Check it out if you would like a chance at a $150 gift certificate to Junk Posse. I have a link to Junk Posse on the right side of my blog and a link on my blog roll. I am adding this families blog onto my blog roll too.
http://thelemanskis.blogspot.com/
This family is trying to raise $ for their Ethiopian adoption. (like I am so *cough, cough* if you are feeling generous...)Please, if you can't help them (us) out, send up a prayer for families like us! Thanks!

The musings of a mom of 8

2010-07-20T20:20:00.003-04:00

I am here in Vegas. Sin city. (It has been a bit sinful for me due to an extreme caloric indulgence. Truth be known, that is not too new for me though, I do love to eat good food.) I am up in our room just now, waiting for my hubby to be finished a round of meetings he is required to go to this evening. We have had a fun couple of days together, exploring the city (not even the strip really, just the suburbs), checking out the sky walk on the West rim of the Grand Canyon, talking, sleeping and yep, eating. But despite all the fun, the time to talk, catch up and just be together I am feeling a bit sad. I don't exactly know why. I think sitting here typing at this desk that is positioned in front of a mirror in our room doesn't help. Not that I look too bad. I look okay. But have you ever noticed that when you stare at yourself, you really see yourself and you begin to ponder your life and who you are?
I am now a 42 year old wife and mother, married 19 years with 8 kids. It's a great life but it's sometimes overwhelming. My life now has me by the throat. It rules me now, I don't rule it. I have 6 kids home and 2 waiting to get home from Ethiopia and I am supposed to be somewhere, doing something for someone at every moment. It is what I do and I love it, though I realized recently that I don't have as many close friends as I used to. Maybe it's because I don't have time to invest in them? My time goes to my family. Period. Maybe it's because I am a bit more sensitive these days? When you are responsible for so many souls, you can't help seeing many more personalities & needs & weaknesses & pain. Somehow certain things just aren't acceptable to joke about or judge or even deal with anymore. I have found too that I steer away a bit more now from families for whom discipline is a problem. I feel responsible (insert any of the following reasons: having so many kids/being a Catholic/being an adoptive mom) to raise exceptional kids. I read a blog post recently that talked about an obligation large families have to raise good kids and take them out in the world so that all might see how it isn't impossible to raise good families. I know it might sound old-fashioned but I whole-heartily agreed with my fellow blogger. My kids love being part of a larger family and we talk to them quite a bit about being examples and holding ourselves to a higher standard when it comes to behavior. It doesn't always happen, but 90% of the time they are really great and we often get complimented on our well behaved kids. Sorry, but personally, I cannot take spoiled kids. Although I blame the parents, (yep I do!) I just have no patience for kids who are handed everything and in turn treat the world like a personal shopping cart with a gimmee, gimmee, gimmee attitude. I see it far too often and I do my best to keep my kids away from it.
Whatever the reason, with a life so filled, I find that in the spare bit of free time I have, I want to be around those who make me laugh or feel good about the life we are living, those who "get" us and understand the adoptions or our faith. I need those people around me as I get a bit tired of defending my life and my choices. This is my life and darn it, I feel blessed to have it. Yes, it is still sometimes emotionally draining and that is okay.
I have sadly noticed too, that after 22 years of being with my best friend, there are fewer and fewer married couples in the same boat. There seems to be a lot of unhappiness when it comes to relationships and that can be hard. As much as I don't judge, (not my job), I need to have some like-minded couples in my life, our lives, to build us up and in turn to build them up too. Finding those who have a companionship like ours is getting harder to do. Not that I don't want to poke David in the eye sometimes, BELIEVE ME, I DO, (I would guess he never feels that way though...) but overall our 19 years of marriage have been pretty exceptional.
That being said, I am sad. Why? I don't know. I am at a rather large, scary, busy crossroads in my life, waiting for our new additions, changing schools, trying to raise the bar of spirituality in our home, wanting to lose weight, exercise more, eat better, clean and organize our house, fund raise for our adoption, love my family more, etc,. Sometimes it just hits me. Like today on the 38th floor of our hotel in Vegas.
Thanks for listening.

ahhhh, the mountains

2010-07-16T16:07:00.010-04:00

We took a quick 4 day break to the mountains last weekend. It was so much cooler then where we live and the weather was so perfect! The first day we bought passes and just did everything our passes entitled us to, paddle boating, bowling, mini golf, disc golf (skipped this once we checked it out), rock climbing wall, monkey bounce and our favorite, the Alpine Slide! It's a downhill slide that you get to by taking the ski lift up. The ski lifts on a gorgeous day are all I want to do, but not the kids.... so we did it all & here are some pics.

The next day we took a steam train ride through the mountains and stopped at a town for lunch. After lunch we re-boarded and headed back again. It was fun though a little long for the kids. Rory got some soot from the engine in his eye too. You can see him looking a bit miserable later at dinner in the last few pics. That night we had a great dinner and then swam at the hotel and curled up to watch movies. Love that!

More about the trip next post.

9th and final day of our Novena

2010-07-16T10:47:00.002-04:00

Ninth Day
O Most Holy Mother of Mount Carmel, when asked by a saint to grant privileges to the family of Carmel, you gave assurance of your Motherly love and help to those faithful to you and to your Son.

Behold us, your children.

We glory in wearing your holy habit, which makes us members of your family of Carmel, through which we shall have your powerful protection in life, at death and even after death.

Look down with love, O Gate of Heaven, on all those now in their last agony!

Look down graciously, O Virgin, Flower of Carmel, on all those in need of help!

Look down mercifully, O Mother of our Savior, on all those who do not know that they are numbered among your children.

Look down tenderly, O Queen of All Saints, on the poor souls!

(Mention your request here)

Say: Our Father, Hail Mary and Glory Be

Our Lady of Mount Carmel, pray for us.

Thanks for joining me on these 9 days of prayer. God bless.

Day 8 & Despicable Me

2010-07-15T09:51:00.004-04:00

There's been a lot of fuss on the yahoo groups and facebook (much prompted by me)about the new movie Despicable Me. I initially read some things that led me to believe it would not be healthy for Marin to see this (and really for any of my kids to see it for that matter). Now though I am reconsidering. I am not an overly hyped up adoption mom. Yes, adoption is a huge part of our life. We have a responisibilty to reassure our daughter and our 2 soon-to-arrive-home sons as to the fact that they are ours just as much as our biological children and that we will love them always and they will always be with us no matter what they do. But that being said, I am aware that there is this ridiculous theme of adoption Hollywood seems to insist on putting out there. Maybe it's time to hit it head on? We conquer a lot of challanges in our family with humor. Perhaps this is one we need to discuss, see for ourselves and then put behind us with a laugh of how crazy movie makers are... I will let you know once I see it for myself.

In the meantime, it's day 8 of our 9 day Novena. I don't know if you have been following along. This has been a simple Novena so it's been a good start for those of you who are new to this. I hope you have felt the grace and will see your prayers answered!

Eighth Day
You give us hope, O Mother of Mercy, that through your Scapular promise we might quickly pass through the fires of purgatory to the Kingdom of your Son. Be our comfort and our hope.

Grant that our hope may not be in vain but that, ever faithful to your Son and to you, we may speedily enjoy after death the blessed company of Jesus and the saints.

(Mention your request here)

Say: Our Father, Hail Mary and Glory Be

Our Lady of Mount Carmel, pray for us.

Day 7 - Novena

2010-07-14T17:07:00.002-04:00

Seventh Day
O Mary, Help of Christians, you assured us that wearing your Scapular worthily would keep us safe from harm. Protect us in both body and soul with your continual aid. May all that we do be pleasing to your Son and to you.

(Mention your request here)

Say: Our Father, Hail Mary and Glory Be

Our Lady of Mount Carmel, pray for us.

Day 6 - let's pray!

2010-07-13T11:13:00.000-04:00

Sixth Day
With loving provident care, O Mother Most Amiable, you covered us with your Scapular as a shield of defense against the Evil One.

Through your assistance, may we bravely struggle against the powers of evil, and be always open to your Son Jesus Christ.

(Mention your request here)

Say: Our Father, Hail Mary and Glory Be

Our Lady of Mount Carmel, pray for us.